Great. Just had ANOTHER fight with the mother again. Seriously I can't stand it anymore, plus it wasn't like I was in the wrong.

Apparently she bought some hair cream for me and my sis, who pissed me off again. And after I took a bath she asked me to come over so she could show me how to put on the gel myself, and I shrugged and innocently said "whatever".

Then she poured this cream onto one hand, and with her other hand, pulled my hair like freaking hard, I felt like my hair was going to rip off. Then she slapped the cream onto my scalp and rubbed it in with her fingertips.

I swear to God, she has LONG fingernails okay and when she massaged the gel onto my scalp, I could literally FEEL her nails raking across my entire head, so naturally I cringed.

THEN, I don't f****** know why, she started yelling "I don't understand, why is it pain? You know what your bloody problem is Serene? You don't even put on conditioner? My God, Serene you're a big girl now and you can't even take care of your own hair! How useless!"

Seriously, that was the shit last straw so I yelled back "I did put on conditioner. I do know how to take care of my hair. You just don't see me putting conditioner or night cream, that's all. It's not my fault I'm born with this type of hair. You don't like it, too freaking bad. It's MY hair. "

So I just slammed the door in her face and I refuse to come out. I don't want to see her face for now.
Sometimes, I just want to grab a cleaver and plunge it in her head. Sure, people say she's jovial because she talks to others a lot and everything, but if they were me, they'd think twice. So what if she's unique because she's Eurasian? She calls me stupid in front of other people in the lift when I made her upset about something & start blundering about why God gave her such children with such stupidity.

She makes me feel like I'm nothing special. She makes me feel like I'm useless. She makes me feel ugly & significant.

Does she know that I once cut myself because of what she said to me? After I failed CA2 in Sec 4 and my results sucked and she was like "You think you can get into Anderson JC with this results? Dream on la. You're better off in ITE. You're just not as smart as Wendy. Why are you so stupid? My goodness I seriously cannot understand!"

I told other people that my dog scratched me while playing with me.

Thus, so it explains why I would rather be in school sometimes than go back home. Unimaginable stress factors at home.

Maybe this is why I can't picture a future with my mother. She'd give me hell, I swear. I wish I could just go to America and live a new life by myself with my friends and just forget about her.

They say happiness is relative. But can I just say that at times, I'm just not happy at home, especially with my mother around.

They say God can heal a broken heart if He has all the pieces of it. I bet He doesn't have all of mine, because why is it that not only my heart, but every part of my body is broken too?

A broken heart can be anything but broken because it has already faced breaks, wears and tears for far too long a period already.




Figher, by Christina Aguilera

After all you put me through
You'd think I'd dispise you
But in the end I wanna thank you
Cause you made that much stronger

Well I thought I knew you
Thinking that you were true
Guess I, I couldn't trust
Called your bluff time is up
Cause I've had enough

You were there by my side
Always down for the ride
But your joyride
Just came down in flames
Cause your deedssold me out in shame

After all of the stealing,
your cheating
You probably thinkthat I hold resentment for you
But...you're wrong
Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do
I wouldn't know just how capableI am to pull through

So I wanna say thank you

[CHORUS]
Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
It makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Never saw it comingall of your backstabbing
Just so you could cash in on my good thingbefore I realized your game
I heard your going round
Playing the victim now
But don't even begin feeling
I'm the one to blame
Cause you dug your own grave

After all of the fights and the lies
Guess you wanted to harm me
But that won't work any moreno more...i
I's over
Cause if it wasn't forall of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now and never back down

So I wanna say thank you

[CHORUS]

How could this man I thought I knew
Turn out to be unjust so cruel
Could only see the good in you
Pretended not to see the truth
You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself
Through living in denial
But in the end you'll see
You won't stop me.

I am a fighter and I (fighter and I)
I ain't gon stop (I ain't gon stop)
There is no turning back I've had enough

[CHORUS]