After each dream, Frankie woke with a start, soaked in tears. But she found no relief in the peaceful silence of her room, because there everything was real. And the guilt was too immense to bear. Each time she opened her eyes, she'd quickly shut them. And wish that she had woken up for the very last time.” \

― Lisi Harrison, Monster High

I cannot breatheeeee. EEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKS. 

Plus, look at the sheer amount of musical talent in the room?

Oh my sweet Lord I'm just melting from how smooth and gorgeous and utterly sexy Darren's (Blaine) voice is in this cover of Bing Crosby's White Christmas. Mr Crosby, I still love your rendition of this song in the musical White Christmas, but Darren's voice just gives me chills. 

I made the mistake of clicking the link for Swifty's version of the song. I shrieked in utter horror and ran out the room upon hearing the guitar accompaniment. I'm sorry but no way in hell will I ever appreciate a countrified Christmas song. Its like doing the doe-si-doe and eating fried chicken in a country bar on Christmas instead catching snowflakes with your tongue and ice skating and caroling. 

Is it legit for me to say that Darren Criss is musically gifted than Swifty? Okay fine I know we should acknowledge individual differences and all, but still. 

I want a boyfriend who will do a Christmas duet with me. Or just an awesome guy friend who plays the guitar and sings and will willingly me pleasure me via Christmas duets. 

If Blaine weren't gay, didn't wear weird tight pants and annoying bow ties, ditched the hair gel and stopped shaving, I'd chain him in my house forever. 

I was just looking through my photos that I look from L.A when I came across this one that I took while at Westwood Village Memorial Park. I found Natalie Wood, who allegedly died from drowning after falling from her yacht into the ocean, I found Janet Leigh who played Meg in Little Women and died of myocardial infarction, I found Farah Fawcett who died of cancer, I found Marilyn Monroe who allegedly committed suicide and I also found Dean Martin, who died respiratory failure due to lung cancer. 

I remember how I had spent a neck-breaking 20 minutes walking around the entire cemetery, bending my neck to look at the ground just to look for these two specific stones.

In case you don't know, Jennifer Maria Syme was the ex-girlfriend of Keanu Reeves, who in 1999 gave birth to their stillborn daughter Ava Archer Reeves. Jennifer and Keanu went their separate ways after the death of Ava. On her way home from a house party thrown by Marilyn Manson and under the influence of prescription drugs and alcohol, Jennifer drove into a row of parked cars on Cahuenga Boulevard and died instantaneously.

Both are happened to be cremated next to each other at the request of Keanu. I remember clearly how I immediately broke down and cried for what must have been 5 minutes when I found them. I have no idea of it was the sad history behind the existence of these two cemetery plots, or because of the somber, quiet and reflective atmosphere of the cemetery that made me start to cry for the loss of these 2 people and made me start to question the reason for our existence.

We're here for too short a time. If we are placed on Earth for a purpose, what was the purpose of Ava then? Why did God allow for the mistreatment of women in the Middle East? Why did God allow for child slavery, poverty and extravagant capitalism? How did society become so consumed by the pursuit of materialism, that we're willing to pay $6 for a cup of coffee at Starbucks that takes only 6 cents to make in Laos? Why do we continue to feed the bourgeois pursuit of profits that only serve to further suppress the livelihood of the common workers? 

There are so many things in life I want to understand, but I don't. I want to, and I wish I could, and this makes me wonder whether I'll be able to understand them all by the time I've reached the end of my life.

Just wondering.