I was just looking through my photos that I look from L.A when I came across this one that I took while at Westwood Village Memorial Park. I found Natalie Wood, who allegedly died from drowning after falling from her yacht into the ocean, I found Janet Leigh who played Meg in Little Women and died of myocardial infarction, I found Farah Fawcett who died of cancer, I found Marilyn Monroe who allegedly committed suicide and I also found Dean Martin, who died respiratory failure due to lung cancer. 

I remember how I had spent a neck-breaking 20 minutes walking around the entire cemetery, bending my neck to look at the ground just to look for these two specific stones.

In case you don't know, Jennifer Maria Syme was the ex-girlfriend of Keanu Reeves, who in 1999 gave birth to their stillborn daughter Ava Archer Reeves. Jennifer and Keanu went their separate ways after the death of Ava. On her way home from a house party thrown by Marilyn Manson and under the influence of prescription drugs and alcohol, Jennifer drove into a row of parked cars on Cahuenga Boulevard and died instantaneously.

Both are happened to be cremated next to each other at the request of Keanu. I remember clearly how I immediately broke down and cried for what must have been 5 minutes when I found them. I have no idea of it was the sad history behind the existence of these two cemetery plots, or because of the somber, quiet and reflective atmosphere of the cemetery that made me start to cry for the loss of these 2 people and made me start to question the reason for our existence.

We're here for too short a time. If we are placed on Earth for a purpose, what was the purpose of Ava then? Why did God allow for the mistreatment of women in the Middle East? Why did God allow for child slavery, poverty and extravagant capitalism? How did society become so consumed by the pursuit of materialism, that we're willing to pay $6 for a cup of coffee at Starbucks that takes only 6 cents to make in Laos? Why do we continue to feed the bourgeois pursuit of profits that only serve to further suppress the livelihood of the common workers? 

There are so many things in life I want to understand, but I don't. I want to, and I wish I could, and this makes me wonder whether I'll be able to understand them all by the time I've reached the end of my life.

Just wondering.