Perfectionism is slow death.

I can honestly say that I might just be representative of the population that fits this quote. Well I may not be a perfectionist in setting cutlery, but the cuts on my arm and abdomen are testament to this.

I went on a spree a few days ago and was honestly - on a scale of 1 to 10 of immense sadness, loss and confusion - might just have pitched at a 12. Whenever I go through the details of what I did that day to myself, I cringe, because I honestly believe that I must have been possessed. To hurt myself in such an unthinkable manner. So after, the deed, I emailed K because I seriously had no idea what to do. K is the only one who knows the full extent of what I've been doing and she's been a really incredibly rational and logical support system for me. I think when it comes to such extreme measures of self injury, nothing but rational comfort would do for me. Its nice to hear things like "you can do this" or whatever, but its....not enough? I think.

May I quote what "I" said when I was emailing K when I was drowning in a puddle of my own tears, wincing and rejoicing at the pain of the new cuts on my abdomen "I honestly think I'm losing it."

So you see. I'm not as strong as people think I am.

On a brighter side, I baked my 1st cake today, and I knew something was wrong when the batter was too much too watery. Until I looked at the recipe and realized that I copied "1 cup milk" instead of "1/2 cup milk". I'm such a dingbat. Am still on the lookout for lemon cake recipes. I want moist cakes. Not light airy fairy cakes because my mum doesn't like them. Was supposed to go down to the National Library to look at cake recipes, but the rain was so strong. Like, the raindrops were cascasding sideways! My brolly was turned inside out! But not before I went to get my yogurt from Berrylight. Its sort of become a habit for me to buy yogurt from Berrylight after I clock out. So far, I've tasted the flavors, Milo, Peach Mango, Red Velvet, Blueberry, Mint and Raspberry, which I never knew could be incoporated into a yogurt. I've become a little more friendly with the girl at the counter. She's the same age as I, and awaiting acceptance from NUS and NTU to study Business. It was fun hearing about her ranting about the perks and downs of working at a yogurt shop. And having someone fun to talk to after work with a nice relaxing cup of flavored yogurt.

Shall continue looking for more lemon cake recipes suitable for a family that is weight conscious. I mean, I've got a body type that predisposes me to diabetes, so I really gotta watch that sugar intake. National Library. Friday. Maybe.