It fills me with such depression to look at all these lovely cakes and cookies and other pretty heavenly looking goodies in all these cookbooks when I'm fully aware of how incredibly sinful they are. Loaded with sugar and all that junk. AAAARGH. I hate this.

My dad is being incredibly stupid now. Like, really. He keeps asking me to talk - literally - to Bobby and ask him if he's hungry, and in my state of utter annoyance, I snapped at him and said that that was an incredibly stupid question and he replied that as a student of psychology, I should be able to understand animals.

I thought my dad was supposed to be smart? Clearly he has issues.

I watched John Q last night and it was an incredibly excellent show, starring Denzel Washington, who plays a medically uninsured man in America who has a son with an enlarged heart, on the verge of death and in dire need of a new heart. But being uninsured, he can't be put on the national waiting list for a new heart, because American health care policies, if you have no money, you can pretty much kiss your health goodbye.


So poor Denzel's character, desperate for his son to live, hijacks a hospital and some patients and doctors in it and asks that his son's name be put on the national waiting list out of anger at the unfairness of his country's medical laws. Yet when all hopes of a new heart being available at that point of time since impossible, he offers to commit suicide and give his heart to his son, only to have his wife screaming on the phone just as he was putting a gun to his head on the operating table, that a new heart was now available and that he operation would take place in a jiffy.


It seems really straight forward and predictable, but the underlying story really focuses on America's lackadaisical health care policy. Its sad to see that millions of Americans aren't medically insured, purely because they can't afford it. Its morally unthinkable to see that a doctor has to turn away a sick and/or dying individual because he's not insured. Undoubtedly medical technology is expensive in the States, which is why the government calls that Americans must be insured, but the cost of being and getting is unbelievably high.


The movie made me cry. I was so touched by his character's humbleness and dedicated love for his son, so much that he's willing to give his life and heart up so his son can live the childhood that his enlarged heart deprived him off.


People in America are dying because they can't afford medical care, yet I'm here cutting myself because I'm fat - which happens to be an absolute fact by the way. I ought to shoot myself in the head and spare me from misery.

Really. I understand that this is all in the head. But I might commit suicide one day because I don't know if I can stand the thought of literally seeing flabby flab around my disgusting body. I am so NOT pretty and completly horrid looking. I ought to write my suicide letter soon because I don't know if I can hang in there. I mean, the cutting frequency and intensity is increasing. And I'm so frightenend. GOD i hate myself. If models and friends can be stick thin, then why can't I? I tell you why, I need to staple my disgusting mouth shut for good.

Lunch with JL and DL later Am partly dreading it, because I've nothing fancy to wear, and I look FAT and ugly in whatever I wear. And unpretty. I hatemyself. Did I mention that? Yes, only about 4834 times, but its true. I completly disgust myself.

Mum changed my phone last night. I now have a "brand spanking hand-me-down iPhone that was previously her's. Can I just say I absolutely despise the touchscreen keypad? I actually prefer the old school method of pressing buttons. I tend to press the wrong alphabet icons, even though my finger was on the correct one, and this is fatally frustrating and annoying. Playing Angry Birds ain't all that fun too because the birds and pigs are too small.

Plus, switching phones reset the timecode on my phone so I ended up waking an hour earlier and I'm feeling so sleepy.

I miss my old phone. I have no NEED for an iPhone. I just need a phone that enables me to send messages and take photos. With proper buttons, thank you very much.