That's it. Grandma's left.

We woke up bright and early this morning so we all could send her off at the airport. Her flight was scheduled to leave at 12.45pm and it'll be a 13 hour flight. According to Aunt C, she'll be landing at 7.10pm London time. She's on her way to Heathrow Airport to pick Grandma up soon.

Last night before we turned it, I took out these ancient photo albums from the study room and together with Grandma in the living room, we slowly flipped through the photographs that chronicled our lives together. The photos date 20 years back when we just babies, to when my parents got married. I was amazed at how Grandma could easily point out which baby is who, considering the events occured 20 years ago. I'd like to think that those were captured moments that she truly had cherished, moments that Alzheimer's won't take away so easily.

I think Grandma had a good time here. She seems content just by puttering around the house and watching Animal Planet, endlessly sweeping the floors and cleaning the windows and buying endless takeouts of coffee from the hawker centre near our flat.

I see that Alzheimer's hasn't taken away my Grandma's strong and resilient spirit and determination. She defied my mother's warnings and walked to the market, a 20 minute walk away, just to buy coffee. My mother gave my dad a head's up: if the police calls, then they've found Grandma wandering around and he better get his ass to whatever station she's at now.

Am still feeling slightly miffed about how I wasn't able to go out shopping with her because I was away in Hall.

It was terribly bittersweet and heartaching for me this morning. I had my sister take a photo of Grandma and I, so I'd have something to remember her by. I cried when it was time to say goodbye at the departure gate as she turned to embrace me. Even now, I still can't but feel this despondent emptiness in the pit of my stomach, and the thickening of my throat as I think of my Grandma and I started tearing up everytime I think of her, and how I'd have to come to terms with the fact that I might never see her again after today.

My eyes are hurting from the sporadic cries.

Spoke to Aunt C after lunch. She says Grandma's due to have her tests at the hospital later this week to determine at which stage of Alzheimer's she at and what can be done to make her feel as comfortable as possible. I cried bitterly when she said that she'd promise to bring Grandma over one more time if possible, though without any guarantees because who knows if Grandma might be lucid or not 3 or 4 years from now and would then not be able to recognize us anymore.

The thought of losing my Grandma forever tears me apart inside.

It sent shudders down my spine when Aunt C said "Hopefully (grand)mum lasts a few more years". It makes her sound like a machine. But then again, my Grandma is superwoman.

The only thing I can wish for right now is that Grandma still be of sound mind 3 or 4 years from now and be able to surive another harrowing 13 hour flight to Singapore again.

I think I've truly come to appreciate the old adage of how we should fully appreciate the people we have around us now, because we won't know what we had until we've lost them. I'm on the brink of losing my Grandma, and I seriously wished we had been living under different circumstances - us living in London instead of stoodgy ol' Singapore and we could spend time with each other and basically live in the same state as Aunt C and Uncle T.

God, if you're hearing me now, please do this one thing for me and stay by my Grandma's side for as long as You can, so that we can still see each other one more time, considering how I only get to see her once every 4 years which is a tad cruel and unfair.

Am missing Grandma already. The scent of her lingers on the bedsheets and it just makes me feel worse instead of nostalgic.

3 more hours til Grandma lands at Heathrow.