Like I said, I feel like my life is completely lost its meaning.

I'm studying the same things over again, having to slug it out for the next 4 years and friends (or rather, people whom I've met before and never spoke to them again once the elective concluded) have flown off to England or Australia, and even Switzerland to study. Its official. I hate you now, ST.

And I'm in shit-hole Singapore.

They are doing exciting things, whereas I'm not experiencing any new things in life. I was to go to Switzerland. I want to see mountains. I want to see the Coliseum in Rome. I want to bake cakes with French pastry chefs. I want to climb the Eiffel Tower, not identify it during French lessons. I want to use my French and Spanish language skills on real French and Spanish people, not just learn it from book and youtube, because there's no one else I can practice it on. I want to run in a long and endless field of tulips in Denmark, I want to read the time off Big Ben, I want to sing "Empire State of Mind" on top of the Empire State Building in New York City, I want to play the duduk in Armenia, I want to belly dance in Egypt or Turkey or Lebanon, I want to tour the Walk of Fame in Hollywood, I want to see the great statues of Apollo and Zeus, I want to parachute off a plane in Australia, I want to swim with the dolphins in Astralia before Marina Bay Sands steals the lot of them, I want to attend a jazz festival in France, and have a cute guy sing and play the accordion for me, I want to travel by boat around Venice before it's swallowed by water. I want to perform at the Broadway Dance Theatre in New York, and take classes from Luam and Kyle Hanagami and Tony Czar (come to think of it, the last time I went to a dance class was 3 weeks ago).

I want to build shelters for homeless animals around the world. I want to join the women in Saudi Arabia in protest for lifting the ban on females driving. I want to march along the street and protest for the removal of the burqa that traps Middle Eastern women since the primal ages and help them transcend male dominion.

I want to LIVE.

What happened to my goal of going to the States to study?! Clearly that's not possible, because my parents will continue paying student fees even 10 years after they've passed away.

It's official. My life has become a standstill.

And one month ago, I was so excited about starting school. And now I'm not making friends and re-evaluating myself based on what I've gone, or will go through. And now that D has gotten this major heart surgery and Grandma having Alzheimer's, it's sort of like a wake-up call and I just go "oh my god, like anything, FUCKING anything can happen at any FUCKING time. I gotta do something else than study. I need to LIVE"

Maybe this is the new generation's mid-life crisis, where we question the extent of our fulfilment in life. I call this the quarter life crisis. Anyone else care to join me as we wallow in the miseries of the familiar?

When will it be my turn to live overseas? I swear, by the time I get the chance to do that, I'll be 50-fucking-9 years old.

Maybe there's quarter-life crisis expert I can talk to.

I hate Singapore. Too hot and humid and boring and full of people who speak Singlish that turns me off for nuts.