While staying in a reflective and contemplative mood is enlightening at times, I find that it brings me absolute uncertainty and unhappiness, knowing that the position I am currently in life is so undesirable. 

I look at people who are able to pursue their interests with abandon, while I'm consumed with nothing but school, school and more school. I don't think I can honestly say that dance is a true passion. I love it. I really do. But I devote so little time to it. I'm jealous of those who can juggle school and passion, because I want nothing more than to do that too. Yes. The green eyed monster. I'm filled with jealousy and even hatred sometimes. I know that I can choose to be happy and just go and dance. But if you;'re in my position, and understand where I'm coming from, I think you'll find it easier to understand. 

It seems that everyone has gotten new lives and new friends but me. 

I love you, but at the same time, I hate you too. I don't want you to have it all.