Updates

Updates.

School has started. I only have a 3 day week, but I'm using the extra days at home for URECA. Honestly, research is balls for me. I think its not what I want to do. I'd rather spread the message of the issue than actually do the research because whenever people ask me what I'm doing and I begin explaining to them, I feel more alive than when I have to create materials and do literature reviews and whatnot. So in essence, I'm sorta kinda taking 6 modules. 


Am officially taking Dancesport with Shards. We're learning Latin dances which is getting me pumped up because (a) I've always wanted to learn latin dancing but the quality of teaching at the community centers are complete bullshit and its full of older people whom I can't connect with, and (b) I haven't danced in approximately 6 months because of my ED issues. We learned Samba basics during the first lesson. Latin dancing is pretty different from street dancing. Its more emphasis on the hips, knees, ankles and shifting of the weight from the left to the right foot. I'll admit that's one of my weaker points, but I'm so ready to learn. I can't wait for Salsa. 

Plucked up the courage and decided to revive my sweatpants and head for street jazz class yesterday. I missed dancing and its upsetting to see that I've not improved much. Unsurprising, given that I'm not training as much as I want to, though my ability to catch steps is now faster than before, so that's a plus. Its probably what helped me keep up with Kyle and Koharu's superb classes when I was in L.A and when she came to Singapore for the SwaggOut workshop. I'll admit, I've stopped dancing because my ED has:

- made my weight go up and down and made me hate wearing my dance attire, especially when my weight was up
- made me despise the mirror because back then, when I started looking in the mirror, I'd hate myself even more and actually cut myself more, after 3 years of not cutting. 
- plus, I hate how I look when I dance. I need new dance clothes, dance shoes. Basically I ned a makeover. 

Caught up with Nette after dance at Serangoon Central for a cup of delicious hot soya milk; perfect for the cold rainy day. And she dragged me to all the bakeries and food stalls that I've never seen, nor heard of in m entire life even though I live nearer to the Central than she did. I always have a great time with Nette. I wish we were still as tight, and hanging out as much as we did in TP, but, Nette's such an incredible social, and she's more of a social butterfly than I am, so I'm not surprised.  But the main thing is that we're still friends and I love her. But I miss her more than any of you reading this can ever imagine. She was my closest friend in TP - along with Jess - probably the first person to actually become friends with me, and because of that, she'll be more special than anyone else. I miss us. 

But yes, we did some much needed catching up on our lives and spent a wonderful hour or so just being together. I always end up buying food back home whenever I go out with her. Like buns, soya bean milk, bean curd & curry puffs. Its hard to say no when you hear the enthusiasm and her description of the food. 

I'm not sure why, but I feel like at certain points in my life, I'm just slipping away from friends. Or maybe they're finding me uninteresting and boring, given that they've found more interesting things to pursue in life, like boyfriends and dancing and driving or whatever. 

Been researching universities for the past week for GEM Explorer. This year's list of school is complete and utter hogwash. Other schools send students to amazing schools in the States, like NYU and Stanford. But we get some weird, even unknown ones. NTU is crap in this area. J and I have been talking a lot about this together. He seems to know more about it than I do. Which makes me worried because I feel as though I'm not making the right decision about my choice of schools. I have concerns. Money and how whether I will relapse back there. I don't wish for what happened in L.A to haunt me all over again. It was painful. J's trying to convince me to apply to Canada with him, citing that "we'll look out for each other and I'll make sure you won't relapse again". Awfully nice of him.

I reread some of my old Mary Kate and Ashley books, and it seems that most of the female characters are actually girls who somehow manage to attract new guys that they've met on the first day and then go on dates with them. I mean. Not that it only happens to girls in the North, but I'm sure it happens here too. And sometimes I'm like when the hell is it going to my turn to make a guy go crazy over me?! I'm feminist. I don't believe in women waiting for the guy and all that traditional stuff and I'd rather just go up and ask boys out. But then again, it makes me wonder exactly what it is that makes a guy not want to ask me out. I mean, sure, I'm physically repugnant but I think I'm mentally appealing. I like action movies. I have opinions on important issues affecting the world, which I constantly read uo on, like gendered violence, women's rights, the Obama administration and America's appalling healthcare system and terrible obesity rates and its reasons for being so heavy in debt. And okay fine, I don't like classics. Like Jane Austen or whatever, but I like debates and long meaningful conversations. But honestly, so far the only guy who's ever had things to say about the things I have a concern for is J. And I admit, he was a little weird and stuff when we were in French but he's not my type. He's actually a bit too smart and mature for me I've realized, even though he actually makes me very aware of my lack of awareness about how to enjoy life, which I'll admit is not funny. Then there was WM who liked me apparently but ended up taking S' side and making fun of me and calling me names when I asked SY out. What a bastard. Both of them. Then there was Sanjay, who apparently mistook my thank you letter for a love letter. I mean honestly who does that?! Did I explicitly say "I love you?!" What is wrong with these weird men?!?!?!?! Why have all my friend have had boyfriends but me?! Am I that repugnant?! 

No don't answer that. 

The point is. No boy has ever liked me. Peiod. Okay that's a lie. Maybe one or two. But that didn't count. My hypothesis is that boys here in Singapore (mostly Chinese) prefer Chinese-Chinese girls than Chinese girls like me with a weird mix. They probably think I'm some sort of an animal that the biology lab cooked up or something. Or Steve Spangler's science experiments gone wrong on Ellen Degeneres. Science gone wrong. Like in Doom, where alien DNA got mixed with human DNA and the humans started morphing into these weird Martian lizard-like monsters. And The Rock, and Karl Urban (Eomer in LOTR) had to bring big guns up to the research lab in Mars to kill all of them. So so so tacky, that storyline was. But it kept me glued to the screen. Come on its Karl Urban. Eomer was hot. I'd marry Eomer, you know if Aragorn hadn't caught my heart and my loins first.

Anyway. The point is. I'm well on my way to actually proving my hypothesis that I will die a spinster. Except for the whole 80 cats thing. I'll probably die with my new books, or people will find my skeleton glued to my laptop on Youtube. Speaking of Youtube, I spent the most amazing hour on Youtube just watching the Golden Globes. Tina F and Amy P. are so brilliant! Even though they sounded scripted, but they were so good! As opposed to Ricky Gervais, or Anne Hathaway and James Franco when they hosted the Oscars. Worst hosts ever. I love Hugh Jackman's speech, and how he kept mentioning his wife. What a lovely thing. And Australian accents can be so sexy sometimes. 

I'm so glad Adele won best song. I can't believe Taylor Swift's Hunger Games song got nominated. That song was weird and so sleep inducing and just makes me want to change the station. Honestly, the day Taylor Swift actually beats Adele is the day I'll petition. Its weird to think that Adele and Swifty are almost the same age, yet Adele seems so much more mature with her songs while Swifty just whines and whines in every song about men. Oh and Ms Swift? Your song "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" is utter hogwash. Whenever I hear that song I just want to throw something at the radio because its just tacky and corny. 

Maybe this is why no boys like me. Because I've too strong an opinion about singers they actually like. Then again, I couldn't date a boy who loves Taylor's music. 

Gotta be up early tomorrow. Shoots.