I was watching a documentary on Discovery Channel after dinner today, featuring the lifestyle of Americans and have decided to abandon my desires to move to said United States, after an aforementioned footnote of the morbidly alarming gross statistics of the obese Americans.

I have developed a theory and shall engage in belief preservation, that if I ever pack up and move to America, I will learn and be indoctrinated into the American lifestyle and culture, and I will find myself having to be acculturated to the eating habits of the European Americans there.

It's a simple vicious cycle. Here is Serene Juan's 10-Step-Programme to American-Lifestyle-Acculturation:

Step 1: Move to the United States of America.

Step 2: Become acclimatized to the new lifestyle.

Step 3: Become obese.

Step 4: Discover that I cannot fit through a standard door frame.

Step 5: Discover that I cannot wear a bikini, much less a normal swimming
costume without busting its straps.

Step 6: Discover that I cannot see my toes anymore.

Step 7: Discover that I am waddling down the streets in a slow & disorderly
fashion

Step 8: Discover that I cannot buy cute sexy clothes.

Step 9: Discover that a man would rather crucify himself that marry a grossly
obese woman with a lack of self-confidence.

Step 10: Plunge a knife into my thick waist, hoping that the blade carries the
ability to penetrate the substantial layer of fat.


I entered a temporary state of melancholy, but decided that the world does not end there. Because I reasoned that even if I cannot move to the United States, Miss Juan here can dash into the welcoming and open arms of French doors. I had no clue as to why I never thought of it, but apparently, France has a much lower obesity rate as compared to America.

Honestly speaking, have you ever seen a fat Frenchman in France frolicking in the fiesty fields?