I'm feeling a convulted mix of emotions right now.

It's official. Glee is now my new official TV series. I'm completely IN LOVE with the show. I finished watching the entire 1st season in 3 days and just finished watching the latest episode of Season 2 and its just the BEST ever.

Its strange how popularity is so highly regarded among American teenagers when it was never a problem for me in secondary school. I was the uncool one then, even though my best friend was one of the prettiest girls in school. Regardless, its just sad to see how American teens prioritize being the coolest student in school and displacing other needs.

Its amazing how Glee makes me cry when the Glee members sing the covers because I really can relate to some of the songs that they sing, and what they;re going through, such as Rachel and her 1 day bulimia and desire to be thinner, as well as her desire to be the best and afraid of competition because she's afraid that she would be thrown out the spotlight and all her efforts will be for nothing. Being in the spotlight and known for her talents make her feel good about herself and to have that contested threatens her esteem, and I fully understand that.

Some of their covers are really good. My favs - from the top of my head - are Taking Chances, Bootylicious, Single Ladies and Happy Days are Here. Plus, all the different guest celebrity appearances. Like I never figured Gwyneth Paltrow for singing and teaching Spanish, other than being Pepper Potts in Iron Man, or John Stamos as a singing dentist seeing as how I'm used to seeing him saving lives in E.R.

Had piano assessment today at Northwood and it was. Awkward. It turns out I'm sort of an advanced beginner, but if I do take lessons with Northwood, I'd be considered a beginner, seeing as how I can't read notes past G on the piano pieces. Am still considering if I want to take up lessons with Northwood. Its at YCK, and I sort of prefer having a piano teacher come over.

Dance wise, I sucked at Fredy's HH today. I don't know what else I need to do to improve. Feeling a little, frustrated at my continual attendance of open classes, but I feel that I need to train farther if I want to improve. Open classes help me in catching steps faster, but in terms of technique and stage presence and that other dance juice I need, I still need that. Damn it. Perseverance baby.

Maybe that's why I like Glee. It distracts me from the fact that there is nothing I feel proud of, and I thought dance would be my lucky charm.

I dont fee good about myself when in dance classes. So honestly, I just need to go screw something to amuse myself. Can't be bothered to blog anymore nowadays. I so fucking hate the holidays. I need a new hobby to amuse myself now. I mean, dance is one thing. But still. It seems like I'm not improving, if not I'd be selected.

I was terrible in Gin's class today. I really thought I improved. I guess that's sort of subjective. I wonder what else I gotta do to really improve. I really want to to be selected during the Intermediate classes, and not just the Level 1 classes. I guess its because I don't train for competitions and/or performances, and I don't have a dancer's body. Thin, toned. I'm the exact opposite.

But I've been watching Glee lately and it just makes me happy watching the kids sing, and cry at the emotional significance of it and laugh at the antics of it all.

I'll stop watching Glee the day any of one of them does a Taylor Swift number.

One day, I'll go to New York and make a name for myself there. Without any one of you. Just me and myself, because I deserve it.

I am hereby banning Nutella from my life. Its full of sugar and empty calories and I have a tendency to eat it with a spoon. Plus, I'm trying to change my eating habits and having Nutella in the house isn't doing me any good.

Screw the feel-good feeling thereafter. Offer me something in coated with Nutella and you're my friend no more.

Salad for dinner tonight.

Aunt C just unearthed a photo of Grandma and Granddad (from the mother's side). According to her, it might have been either their engagement/wedding photo. Granddad looks so sombre. Its interesting to look at him in this photo because I've never seen him ever before. I wrote to him a few times when I was 16 and didn't receive any reply. I must have sent him like 5 or 6 letters consecutively and was bent on just giving up when he suddenly called me out of the blue and I'm like "NO WAY" Because it was so surreal to hear a Caucasian voice - belonging to my granddad - speak to me.

Saying something about how he got my letters but didn't have the courage to reply because he didn't know what to say made me sort of..sad. I think. I dunno. We used to email each other every few times, and he'd call once a month or something like that. But that stopped all of a sudden. Now he just texts happy birthday once a year.

The mother just called. She's swooning over how good looking the professional American male cyclists look in their gear and towering bikes. Dammit. I want to be there too. Even my mother knows how to appreciate good white meat.

Girls Night Out with L, J and Qianny today. Missed hanging out with them so much. It's incredible to think that almost 3 years ago, we were sitting next to each other in the same classrooms and shyly acknowledging each other and now we're shrieking at each other like banshees without a care in the world and texting each other in the middle of the night and talking about the most random things on Earth.

Novena is an interesting place. So many expats hanging around and I was busting with glee and Qianny almost slapped my face at how much I squealing over them. Was trying out various types of foods I've never tried before. Dinner at some Japanese-style pasta place and I had some pasta with salmon and salmon roe. Qianny informed me that salmon roe was salmon eggs and I almost changed my order, but deiced to go with it, considering how I've never had fish zygote before. But it tasted iffy to me. When I bit into it, it burst in my mouth and sprayed this warm thick, slightly salty liquid into my mouth. I swallowed the rest whole after that. Plus, I stole some of J's oysters and it tasted so metallic I almost gagged. It tasted almost like liquefied liver.

Qianny and I bought rambutan-flavored YAMI YOGURT after that and it was just incredibly fantastic. Both of use were squabbling and dithering over whether we should use a loyalty card of mine that had already expired.

Dessert @ Udders' after that. I decided to sample all the flavors they had. I felt like some slothy glutton, but hey, its ice cream and I needed to see what tasted nice before ordering right? I almost gagged at the coffee flavored one because it was incredibly concentrated for my taste. Was dithering about when to order a waffle because I had no idea if I'd feel guilty, but guilt be damned today & simply ordered a waffle with a scoop of Mango Sorbet and Bitter Orange Chocolate, of which is alcoholic, but whatever.

So the 4 of us sat with our creams and just had an awesome time chatting with each other. It's amazing how being with and talking to close girl friends make me feel so light headed and happy. Maybe it was the alcohol in the ice cream, but still, it feels like I'm on another planet when hanging with a small group of close friends.

I wore my nude heels today because I wanted to get them stretched so that in the future it'd be more comfortable. I swear, these are the highest pair of shoes I've ever owned. Even my previous pair of green heels weren't that high. My current ones make me taller than Qianny, who stands at 1.66m. And I'm 1.6m, and based on my guesstimation, that makes me heels about 4 to 5 inches. Was incredibly surprised that the mother didn't berate me over it.

Got home at around 10pm but was feeling somewhat guilty over the fact that I had some a big dessert. Was thinking of working out for about 10 minutes or so, even though I had already done so before the Night Out. But I just felt. Incredibly fat. Fatigue be damned. So I just went on the machine for about 15 minutes to make myself feel better. I wonder if this means there's some psychological disturbance I'm experiencing. Over-exercising, or whatever you call it. But I have a legit excuse. I'm obese and need to lose like 10kg. So suck it up, Serene. Suck it up.

Started watching Glee and it's just incredibly fantastic. How come I didn't start watching this earlier? Now Ksh and I have new things to talk about.

I want to be thinner!
AAARGH.

I've been feeling completely frustrated and disgusted at myself the past 2 days. I've no idea if there is a rationale behind this, or if I'm having psychotic delusions, but it seems that I'm becoming like even more huge than I already am, even though I've been going on the elliptical machine almost daily.

Honestly, this is putting my very fragile psyche to its limit. How can some people thought I have lost weight? HELLO. You need some glasses, people.

The hunt for a part time job has left me frazzled. Bakerzin is now bugging me for confirmation, but someone from teadot cafe texted me to ask when and how long I can work for, but everytime I call her, she hangs up. I suppose she's working, but hello. Time's not my friend right now. I'm still hoping FD has part time vacancies because it'd be awesome to work in a place that sells my favourite egg tarts.

Aaaargh.

KSH and I went had dinner, well, she had Yoshinoya and I had yoghurt, considering how I ate a little before leaving for dance, and I'm supposed to losing weight, and went to try on shoes from New Look. Finally someone who shares and understands my love and passion for high heeled shoes.

Ugh. Presentation tomorrrow. Gonna rehearse my slides one more time before bed. Please God, let this whole part time job thing work out for me, considering how I don't want to work in a place that pays $4 per hour, because that really is kinda low isn't it?

Watched the lastest 3 episodes of Criminal Minds Season 6, and my life is momentarily complete.