Well I experienced my first ( and hopefully last!) midlife crisis at the mere tender age of 18 years.

I know I should be studying right now. I'm on a tight deadline. I'm supposed to study dreaded cross cultural for class test, oh which is apparently next Monday, and I need to submit my draft hrm report to Jesslyn, and start on social psychology observation data sheet.

But I intend to take like 13 minutes off to blog about my day yesterday, and Thursday.

Thursday was my last tutorial for transnational studies and we all had our group presentations and it was a huge mad rush for final editing and submission of slides. I met with Eugene after APEL to quickly run through our erm, very long presentation (61 slides, to be precise) and attempt to cram several bits and pieces into 1 slide.

Then I realized that one of our group mates forget to include an extremely significant point in the slides, so we had to call him and get him, and the rest of the group, to get their butts down to the IT lab and chuck in whatever they need to.

May I add that it was already 5.45pm and the presentation was to start at 6.15pm? Oh yeah I almost had an embolism right there and then. I was waving my arms around and trying to rush them and attempting to think of examples to illustrate my pointers.

Then we left for the IR at 6pm. When it was our turn to present, I was shaking so badly for a moment, I swore I could have hyperventilated right there and then. Seriously, this is the 1st I've ever been so nervous and worried about a presentation.

So we spoke. We rushed. We babbled. Miss Street look bored. I got pissed at that. She kept looking down and it looked as though she was sleeping. My heart sank. We ended the presentation. Amount of time we took to present: 32:15 minutes.

Congratulations, Serene.

That was exactly the worst thing. The worst was when Ms Street actually summoned more enthusiasm and encouragement and positive comments for the rest of the groups. Call me paranoid, but excuse me?

So I became all moody after that, and declined Jasmin's invitation to eat at Prata Paradise with the other GC people. I wanted to get home and sleep. In the car on the way home, I commented that I'll quickly shower and head to bed because I was zonked out and feeling cranky and then good old Mum did what she does best. Insult, criticize and penetrate my already bleeding heart.

May I quote "What's the point of being on the director's honors list if you're so stupid? What a fucking irony?"

Yes I agree it is pretty ironic that a dim witted buffoon like myself could have gotten at the dean's list, when she lacks common sense and having had EDNOS.

That was when I went home and gorged on Nutella. I swear, I am never having Nutella in the house again.

I woke up on Friday and logged on to TP email and said hello to my RMB Assignment 1 results. I got a major awesome stupid 14 over 20. That wasn't the worst thing. The worst thing was that I knew, that there were people who had received help from people good at such statistical formulas, and got full marks, while I sat in the lab for 3 hours, attempting to analyze and comprehend whatever Mr Tan was personally explaining to me about Type 1 error ( when significance level is less than .05, we can say that a difference exists) and reading up the RMB textbook, just so I could get a good and decent grade for this Assignment.

Pardon my French, but I honestly feel that the world can be so messed and fucked up, and you can quote me on that. It's just like why mothers who take meticulous care of themselves deliver stillborns whilst crack-addict mothers have miraculously healthy babies; how religious individuals get killed by rebels, how 16 year old girls die from ovarian cancer before they even grasp the chance to see the world. What makes me different from these unfortunate souls, whom I bet are harboring the same intuitions like me?

So I was contemplating this and hearing Mr Tan talking about RMB Assignment and how people got help and I thought back the unfairness and unjust of it all.

Serene then made a random comment to Janell, who was conveniently sitting next to her and Serene had a midlife crisis right there and then. Poor Janell had to battle through hot tears to sobs whilst hoping the tutor wouldn't spot them.

To Janell, if you're reading this too, and yes I've read your lovely post, thank you for bearing witness to my dammed up emotions and helping me sort them out. What's done has been done and the assignments have been marked and people who got an undeserving A or Z have already been awarded that. I will not rationalize this but will try to get over this, in say 433553 light years. Nevertheless, I love you (:

Hip hop today was fun. I finally learnt the Happy Feet-like footwork. And I've been doing it ever since. Thanks to Nicole for your handy tip in practicing them and helping to correct my mistakes! Nevertheless, I'm super psyched up about Hip Hop right now. And now that TNS is over, I can resume my belly dance every Tuesday. HUZZAH!

I melt every time I heard Prince Edward sing this. I want my own true love too; my own Spanish Latino Mona Lisa, my own French heartthrob, my own Shakespeare.