Today was one of the most horrific day of my entire life. Its much worse than the time I was in primary school, when a few of my girlfriends were racing down the stairs as usual and I guess I leaned forward a little too much and tumbled down.

Luckily I was only a few steps from the ground so I just landed in onw smooth shot, but not before my girlfriends saw color underwear I was wearing. Yeah right there and then I was humiliated. We celebrated and christined that day 'Full Moon'

But still, back to reality. I am finally experiencing the full blown effects of EDNOS. I am prematurely suffereing from hair loss. I am going to become bald like my grandfather and my father at the tender age of 18, when they're balding at 50.

Damn I've accomplished a lot. Suffered a midlife crisis and experienced male pattern baldness. What next, premature prostate issues?

Before I left the house today, I brushed my hair with my hand and got a shock - the size of an elephant's tush - when I saw my hand streaming with curly strands and strands of hair. Its been like that, ever since Friday - when I had my midlife crisis - and I've been hoping and praying that it'll go away. Plus, whenever I shower, the drainpipe is just clogged with my hair strands, and even when I comb. It's definetly more than usual. It's my hair, and I can tell.


So I basically looked at reflection and burst into tears. I kid you not. The feeling of remorse, and despair, and resignation and disgust at myself. You can't possibly imagine what I was feeling there and then. I just cried and cried and thought that I've been such a bitch for being so selfish and I wished God would please come down and take me away because I've been going through so much emotional pain and suffering and right now, I'm so lost and confused. I need help. I just don't know where and how to seek help. I contemplated not going to school actually. I texted my mum and Jesslyn and they tried calling me, but I ignored their calls because I felt suicidal for a moment.

I felt like the whole world was rebelling against me.

My grades for this semester have slipped unceremoniously
I suffered premature midlife crisis
My hair is falling because of my EDNOS
My self esteem is slipping too. because of that.

I wish my life would turn around right now. I'm such a hypocritical and selfish bitch.

I was thinking about my premature hair loss and I burst into tears for no reason. I mean, I've been so...selfish. I sacrified my hair for looks. I sacrificed the one that I was so proud of.

I'm not strong, as what people say. In fact - I'm weak. I yielded so easily to the societal pressures of thinness and beauty, that my locks that I so love suffered the blow of it.

Upon thinking that, I suddenly had this....I'm not sure what it is, but I started praying and talking to Jesus. I prayed that He would tell me what to do and help me turn my life around.

I think it's time for me to return to church and seek solace.