Ugh I'm so drained. Spent hours working on editing and cropping and searching for pictures of faces and I swear everything seemed to fuzzy when I switched off my laptop.

Just returned from dance classes and I'd say it was pretty good, in spite of HH, when I sort of missed a few steps during the video session, but whatever. Its over and I'm kinda pleased with it for now.

NUS talk on Wednesday might have just hardened my resolve and determination to enter NUS, considering that NUS' research programs are majorly centred in clincal psychology - something which I'm very interested in. Will focus on MP right now and do the best so I stand a chance of entering, PLEASE LET ME GET IN OR I WOULD DIE.

My dad just entered the room and tossed NSMen magazine on my table. The cover is a photo of a guy in his early twenties posing on a motorcycle and my dad pointed at him and went, "This is what needs to be addressed by the next generation. Why are all these metrosexuals on these covers, and how all the young girls like you. And they feature all these homosexuals and all".

Now the worst part isn't him saying the word "metrosexual"; the worst is the way he actually pronounced it. My dear old man pronounces metrosexual as "metroseksual"

This is such a disgraceful embarrassment. Imma turn in early tonight. Been having trouble falling asleep recently. Migraine is coming back.

Serene: Mum, look! You can buy the Sands of Time dagger here on eBay!

Mum: Oh is it?

Serene: YEAH let's buy it so we can turn back time!

Mum: Really? We can turn back time?

Serene: YEAH come on let's buy it!

Mum: I'm not falling for that.

Serene: Or we can buy Dastan's headdress and we can pretend to be Prince Dastan. Or
Tamina's robes and headdress and we can be Princess Tamina!

Mum: Delusional.

Serene: OH we can buy the One Ring from the Lord of the Rings. Then I can put it on and
invisible! And Arwen's wedding dress then I can wear it and marry King Aragorn!

Mum: But -

Serene: LOOK. We can buy Neo, Trinity and Morpheus' sunglasses, put it on and
be transported to The Matrix!

Mum: I'm leaving

eBay is my new fantasy vessel now. Tee hee!

SUCCESS. Asked the mother if I could order stuff from eBay and proof of my love for Criminal Minds made her agree when I showed her my phone wallpaper. TEE HEE. Though I have to make a bid for one item, to which the bid ends on the 8th of Jan

NUS talk tomorrow. Aaargh. The subject of universities again. I shall attend the talks by NUS and NTU first before seeing whether my grades can get me into NUS/NTU.

Oh and I still want to lose weight, and no, I can never stop saying that. SO BITE ME

3 MORE DAYS

Okay so a weird thing happened today. Well, maybe to you its not weird, but it was relatively surprising for me. I arrived at O School at 6.20pm and needed to change into my sweatpants but the bloody toilet was taped off so I had to quickly head down to the next level to change.

So there I was, waiting for the bloody lift which was taking so frickin long, when Ryan came out and I turned and looked at him, and his face registered a look of surprise, and say hi. Now I was super shocked, because in my mind, I did not even think that Ryan would even bother to remember me, seeing as how all the O School instructors seem to remember and are really chummy with the excellent dancers. So imagine my shock when he acknowledged and I was like "oh hi"

Jeez.

Then during street jazz class, after warm-ups, I was putting my shoes back on and suddenly this voice next to me said "Haven't seen you in so long" So I whipped around and saw Jessica sitting on the floor, tugging her shoes on and looking at me. And again, I went "Jessica knows me?! I thought all the O School instructors speak only to the awesome dancer?" Maybe its because she's always in the class that I attend so we see each other.

Anyhow, so its been 2 weeks since I last danced, and I felt so stiff. I still cannot catch steps fast enough, considering that I only managed to get all the steps til the end of the session when Ryan broke us into groups and I got an opportunity to watch the other groups perform so I could clean my steps up. Watching the selected dancers make me realize that I really need to work on my hits. Like the selected dancers are so...sharp and controlled. And I'm so average. Plus, I was so upset with myself when we had to do pirouttes because I still cannot fucking do a nice proper turn. I mean what the HELL is wrong with me? Why can't I do a proper turn? I mean, I've been trying for so long, battling the sick feelings to my stomach every time I do that, you would think I'd have gotten it by now.

I hate myself.

Why is everyone improving but not me? WHY? I need some answers, people. It doesn't help that I'm out the ensemble and can't take part in GEMS6, because I chose to focus on studies rather than dance. SCREW YOU FY.

On a lighter note, SIP report is done and submitted. I just hope that I didn't plagarize or anything, I mean I remembered to paraphrase everything. If the plagarism machines marks me, I will DIE. Literally.

Mum just said I could have a piano teacher come to the house and teach me piano if I want to go beyond the basics, considering I'm not sure what the next steps are to improving. I can play a simple basic piece, but complicated ones freak me out. Then she had athe decency to remind me of how my last piano tutor threatened to jump from the 15th storey of her apartment at my hideous playing. I mean, give me a break I was only 7. Imagine what that kind of psychological and emotional damage that could have inflicted upon my then 7 year old naive mentality. Its no wonder I have low self esteem, because I think I'm not good enough.

OOH Criminal Minds is on FOX channel and my Derek has just tackled an unsub to his freaky feet. GO BABY <3

My List of Hottest Men to Ever Walk the Planet

1. Derek Morgan, from Criminal Minds

2. Jake Gyllenhaal

3. Michael Moscovitiz, from The Princess Diaries

4. Jack St Bride, from Salem Falls

5. Jesse Cardoza, from CSI Miami.

Did I mention that Derek Morgan is simply hot tamale? OMG I AM ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE WITH HIM. BE MINE PLEASE.

Just printed a few piano sheets off the Internet. Was attempting to play Colors of the Wind this afternoon and my playing was so sporadic. Like a start and stop kind of thing. I can't seem to connect my fingers with the keynotes on the music sheet, and I can't switch fingers smoothly. Hence, the weird playing. But its a start, for I managed to play the entire piece with both hands.

I printed "Looking Through Your Eyes" and the main theme from Harry Potter to practice next. There doesn't seem to be any piano lessons near the community centre near my place so its Do-It-Yourself for the time being. Oh goodness and dance. Aaargh. Dance. I suppose I'm officially out of the ensemble, which sucks balls because it means my only means of training for performance is fucking shot. I mean, honestly, its either studies or dance. I can't give a 100% to studies because of dance, and yet I can't give a 100% to dance because of studies. And I'm always afraid that these 2 would clash. And I know they will clash, hence its either studies or dance. And I chose studies, because going to a reputable university is so MUCH important to be than being the best dancer there is.

But I also want to a be an awesome dancer. I'm just average now. Hell I still can't do a proper turn, and I've been at this for over a year. Something is wrong with me. Someone just shoot me and throw my mangled body down the drain, please because this is so much to bear. Universities, dance, piano, language, body image.

I should be on Oprah for this.

Say hello to my new wallpaper <3

The first day of 2011 was spent watching Sex & The City 2. Honestly this movie is SO much better than the first one, considering how the first movie was too sexually explicit for my liking. I absolutely cannot watch a sex scene with my mother, sister, or any other family member for that matter. Especially my dad because he might think I'm a pervy ass, which I am so not. Its just that I love Carrie and Samantha and Charlotte and Miranda and their chick exploits!

I don't believe in making new year resolutions, because they're meant to be broken anyway. I mean, come on, name ONE person who has ever made a resolution and stuck to them. Regardless, this year marks my final year in polytechnic and my dreams to go the States have been shot. But that doesn't mean I can still work there in the future! Like Singapore is so measly and tiny and boring!

My dad has been hounding me about university applications and this is pretty much making me stressed out (Pop, didn't you hear that stress can make one fat?!?!?!) and I'm freaked that I might not be able to enter a local university. Have heard so many weird claims about NTU and NUS from Dr Tan, like how you have to maintain at least a B grade in order to stay in NUS' Psychology program.

I'm not sure which is a better university to go to: NUS or NTU. Was checking the websites out and it seems that NTU has a better...social...environment? Like there are a lot of student communities going on, whereas NUS seems so...bare. Which might be better for me, since I'm such a nerd and probably would prioritize my studies above extracurricular activities, though I would want to continue with dance and Spanish lessons and piano lessons!

Yeah so this year I'm REALLY hoping. To enter a local university, like either NUS or NTU. To lose weight, because I really DO need, and want to lose weight. And improve my Spanish, piano and dance. Was thinking of going beyond my French basics. I understand some basic French conversation, but I know squat about its grammar and all.

And I should just get MP out the way.

Feeling peckish now. I WILL NOT EAT NOW. NOT AT THIS LAST HOUR.

I WILL NOT YIELD TO THE TEMPTATION OF BISCUITS AND CHOCOLATES IN THE FRIDGE.

Maybe I'll have an almond or two.

Oh sod it. I'm going to watch Criminal Minds.