Bought a new book today! Am currently loving some works by John Grisham actually, after reading The Rainmaker that clearly complements the movie, John Q, in documenting the complex, rigid and bureaucratic nature of the American insurance system, especially in its exploitation of poor American citizens.

America isn't all that cracked up to be.

Anyway, I bought The Runaway Jury a couple of days ago. The movie was excellent anyway, starring John Cusack, Rachel Weisz and Jon Voight, though when I watched the movie years ago I had no idea it was based on a book. Am hoping the book doesn't disappoint me when I finish The Veiled Kingdom, by Carmen bin Laden.

I think reading about the more I read books documenting the suppression of Middle Eastern women, the more I feel angry toward the ultra-conservative tribal society of the Middle East and its unfair treatment and perception of women. Though I'm not deeply religious, I don't think Allah, nor any other God, ever perceived women to be whores and slaves for Muslim men in the Middle East.

Been doing a lot of reflecting these past few days. And I've come to the conclusion that I might just have no purpose in life. I have no hobbies, no interests, or things to look forward to. I don't have a wide social circle. I gave up dance to study. I don't bake anymore, my love for reading books has been suppressed by huge bouts of research articles, assignments and textbooks. I haven't been to town in months. My life revolves around. School. I have NO life. My dance shoes just rot there, waiting to be stretched into. God I miss dance so much. I still dance in my dorm room but its not the same as going for classes, and rehearsing and performing. I gave up the opportunity to take part in a dance recital because the recital fell on exam week. To this day, I still don't know whether it was the right decision. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. It doesn't matter now, because I don't even dance anymore now.

I'm a jack of all trades, but master of none. I played the piano but relinquished it after a while because school got in the way. So did my dreams of getting a guitar. I'm just a floundering chicken, waiting to graduate from school.

The only thing I continue having a passionate desire for is my dream to lend a voice to the exploited women in the Middle East. But I can't go to Saudi Arabia, or Iraq, since I don't want to.

Die?

Yeah.

Then I had a very comforting bout of reassurance and support from Jan, after having not spoken to her in month, as I relayed to her my insecurities and complexity of my eating disorder in the evening after I regressed to C&S. Let's just say that its nice to have someone there actually willing to take the time off to go through the underlying triggers of your problem for an hour or so and give you support and guidance.

Love you Jan. Bless you. I don't deserve such a nice friend like you, but I'm thankful to have someone like you understand me.