I miss reading. Reading books that is. Not textbooks. Readings artworks that open my mind to new places and take me away. 

I explicitly told my mother I wanted book vouchers when she asked what I wanted for Christmas this year. Tee hee. Hey. She asked, and I answered, right? 

Spent the past hour Skyping with S. Her chirpy voice cheered me up, and its so good to talk to her again. She's going to Prague in December, for only 250 euros, which is equivalent to almost S$400. She sounded shocked when I told her that it costs at least a thousand dollars just to fly to Europe. People living in Europe are such lucky ducks. They get to travel to other lovely European cities for cheap while it costs thousands of dollars to get there. My grandma spent $$2000on airfare to fly from London to Singapore whenever she visits us. 

At this rate, a scholarship is my only hope of ever going to Europe. Or finding a European husband. Hey, it could happen right?

Crud. School work beckons is yelling. 

Its moments like this that make me worry about the future: when I sit back quietly and reflect on what has happened in my life, how plans did and didn't unfold the way I thought it would, and how even though it didn't unfold as expected, it paved new ways for me and gave me the opportunity to consider new routes in life instead of rigidly conforming to the plans I made for myself.

For instance, remember how I was all about wanting to move to New York and live and work there? I'm not so sure now. Given the huge growing concern about the capitalism-driven inequality and looming recession that has the United States predict a million jobs would be lost within the next year. Its scary. To think about it, since I'm already 21. 5 years ago I wouldn't have given this much thought, but I'm graduating in 2 years and I have to grow up and make my own living.

And don't even get me started on dance. Don't get me wrong. I love dance. I no longer go for O School classes now. I don't know if its because school's busy, or if its because I cannot be bothered, or if its because my dance shoes have finally given up on me. I don't know why. Well I still do dance in the privacy of my own room. But other than dance and reading, it seems I don't have much interests. I mean. I wanted to bake. But gave that up because it wasn't something that appealed to me after a while. I'm thinking about photography. But where am I going to get the money to get a good camera?

I was talking to Fred the other day in soccer, and he was telling me how he goes apple picking with his family in autumn in Sweden, swimming in the lakes, hiking up the hills and sitting around camp fires with friends and enjoying life. Then I think back of how I work my ass off here by giving my interests up to survive in Singapore and it makes me question the very ideology of Singapore.

Meritocracy has turned us to machines and no longer capable of knowing what it means to live life.

you tubing when i should be studying, but shut it.

I'm not a fan of Taylor Swift, and I hate to admit it but she's just beautiful here. This hairstyle suits her so much better. She has to shed that country-girl image some day

. 

OMG KURT AND BLAINE HAVE BROKEN UP. WHY, RYAN MURPHY, WHY MUST YOU TEAR THEM APART?! 

But good riddance on Rachel & Finn. She's too gorgeous and talented for him. And he looks so big and bulky and lumber and confused. He's completely just tearing her down, and Rachel looks stunning. 

Damn it. 

I LOVE this song. Work it, Beyonce baby. Work it and celebrate Tina T

I'm currently re-reading the 10th book of The Princess Diaries, and feeling my heart swell with emotion because honestly, there is no better boy in the entire universe than Michael Moscovitz.

And anyway, I was looking at Togbi's photos and am just thinking that to myself how rough a sport rugby is.

I've started rewatching E.R. and I've fallen in love all over again with John Carter. He's so cute and sexy, except for his tendency to sleep around with other women.
Why do some people do that? Sleep around and have casual sex, like it means nothing to them? I can't imagine giving up my virginity to someone else before getting married. Sex is a big thing. No pun intended, but its such a huge emotional commitment. What if my partner has HIV?! I mean, not that I'd be comfortable knowing that my partner has slept around with other women, but in one episode of E.R, patients came in with HIV without knowing they caught it from their partner and it completely ruined their lives.

And of course, if my mother ever found out I had sex before I got married, I'd be sent to the gallows and flogged like a prisoner. But then again, I don't think I'm comfortable with letting anyone else, even a woman, see me naked. 

Darn. Was texting Steffi and learned that she's going to visit Nic in Prague in December. People living in Europe are so lucky. Trains can transcend distance without leaking their wallets, while we living in Asia wishing to visit our European friends have to slug our way to get the money.

I need to get out of Asia.

Lisa, Sarita and Steffi I miss all 3 of you girls :(
And Mr Evan and his funny lessons.

updates

#1. Officially on midterm break (read: opportunity of get your ass back on track with the amount of studying that you have not been doing during the first half of the term, you slacker, thank you very much).

#2. Socio midterm test went better than expected. Not to say that I'm certain I'll score an A because I studied super hard and I'm so confident like hell, but I was expecting the paper to ask way hard tough-as-a-nut questions that require super complex referencing from the videos and multiple readings we have. It was...OHKAY.

#3. Went for Allegra's Street Jazz yesterday. It felt soooooooooooo good to be in the dance studio again, even though many other people seemed to have gotten way better and I'm still stuck in a rut with no chances op leveling up. But hey, the passion and love is still there so deal with it, you bitches. Speaking of dancing. I need new dance shoes. The bottom of right shoe peeled off, 3 minutes before the class began, and ended up looking like this:

It kept peeling even further when I was moving and I had to keep stopping to try and stuff it back in what remained of my shoe.

Shucks this means I actually need to go and hunt for shoes. I do not have time for this! Dang shoes here are expensive. I mean, cool high tops that cheap aren't easily found. They're like clothes. It has to be specific. Shall probably go hunting for them next Monday after dropping by school, considering I have Gin's class Tuesday evening.

#4. Was looking through my treasure chest the other day and unearthed my Kyle Hanagami autograph.

Look he even put a smiley face! I remembered him looking so amused when I was proffering my notebook and saying "Can I have your autograph please?" EEEEEEEEEEEEEK if my house were burning, I'd save this first. Oh and Bobby. Of course.

Even though its been more than a month, I still cannot believe that I actually got to meet him in person and take his super awesome class. I wished I could have gone for more. I know I had 6 weeks, but the first 3 weeks I was still finding my way around, and the last 2 Wednesdays were filled with other activities, so I couldn't go. Nevertheless, I'm still so much in awe.

It just reminds me of the day when I was making my way to Debbie Reynolds Dance Studio alone. Debbie Reynolds was in North Hollywood, and I was living in Westwood, which is like a 2 hour bus ride. On a side note, I'm still so pleased and proud that I managed to find my way there by myself, and plucking up the courage to ask random strangers on the street which bus stop to go to and which street to be on. The streets are super confusing. They have streets, and then they have street numbers. 9th and Hollywood. 10th and Hollywood. 11th and Hollywood. So you can't just say I want to go to Hollywood Street. They'll be like yeah dawg but which number? So and finally when I was taking the second bus in North Hollywood, a Latina woman who was next to me must have noticed me checking my map and all because she was like "Where are you going?" And I said I was headed to Debbie Reynolds in Van Nuys. And she went "Oh I run a Mexican restaurant and my shop is just a few minutes down the studio" and she happily looked out which stop I should get off and I was just so incredibly grateful. She gave me her name card and told me that if I ever needed help when I was near Van Nuys again I could just drop by, and I remember thinking how touched I was by her how kind she was, even though she's never seen me before. 

Then later when I got off the bus, she called out "Go there and live your dreams"

And that must have been the nicest thing a stranger ever said to me. Because dreams really do come true at Debbie Reynolds. And my dream of taking Kyle's class did come true.My dream of becoming a better dancer is still a work in progress, but hey, do you see me abandoning dance? Hells no baby.

Los Angeles was an amazing place. I loved the city so so so very much. And words do no justice to even explain how much I fell in love with the city. Of course you have to give me the benefit of the doubt, because I wasn't really living there per se. I was like a tourist-student, and of course I'm aware of the underbelly of Hollywood and how guns and drugs still exist in the States, but L.A has been wonderful to me. The people and culture are everything I imagined it to be. Like for instance:

(1)  Tall boys and geek fashion looking super hot (I'm sorry but Chinese boys can never pull the same look off and be equally hot. They just can't. Unless their Asian Americans and have the American swag to pull it off then hells yeah), with their hipster glasses, skinny jeans, checked shirts topped with a duffel bag and a beanie. I swear. Its brilliant. Before coming to L.A, I only saw of such boys in Tumblr, but now I actually get to experience this X factor for myself in UCLA.

(2) Cute cashiers actually making conversation with you. There was this insanely good looking student who works at the UCLA Bruin Store and I made it a habit to go to the store after Acting class to buy chocolate mints and made sure I went to his counter just so I could see him. I wish all of you had known how good looking he was. I don't think he was Caucasian. He's probably Hispanic because he' doesn't have the fair Caucasian skin color but he spoke with an American accent. With who cares? He was smokin' (not literally but yeah). I never got to know his name, but I shall call him Victor.


(3) You honestly see true American quirk in Los Angeles. I saw skateboarders on their skateboards cruising down the street without their tops, businessmen in full suit but going to work on roller-skates or on their skateboards. The diverse and loud (read: I don't gee a shit what others say) fashion.

(4) Each part of L.A is very different from the other. Its very collegiate in Westwood, since its the university town so its mostly students with little cafes, apartments and a small theater near the supermarket. In Beverly Hills, it screams money money and more money. Spankin' clean, and lots of Middle Eastern people and I felt so out of place there with all the different high end brands all under one roof. Maybe because I was wearing the wrong shoes. Hollywood Boulevard is the touristy area, considering the many tourist attractions are there, such as the Walk of Fame. It wasn't what I expected though. It was a slightly gritty place as opposed to the clean sidewalks I imagined it to have, but it was bustling with tourists and cafes and restaurants and souvenir shops. Burbank was relatively quiet and organized, probably because the music and television studios are there. Melrose Avenue was very.....rock/punk/goth/vintage. Fashion lovers should so visit this place. And downtown L.A


(5) How people can make conversation with you, and the beauty of just listening to normal people living in Hollywood is pretty mesmerizing. For me at least. I had an old lady with made conversation with me while we were at the bus stop and she was telling me about her life as a history student in university, how her son died in a car accident and how she misses the carefree days of her youth and not worrying about death and dying. An African American woman at the bus stop at Sepulveda talking to me about living in Detroit and how dangerous she said it was being there. A Mexcian man on his way to UCLA to pick his daughter up whom I sat next to on the bus back, telling me about his family back in Mexico, how he says he like living in L.A and asking me all about Singapore, in slightly fractured English. I've never met people of such diverse ethnicities before. Its amazing. And the beauty of talking to minority race is that it helps dispel some of the stereotypes you have of them. Sure there'll be a group of Latinos and African Americans who are punk asses, but talking to some of them (not the punk asses!) in a normal context and finding out about their lives really helps you create bridges. Plus, I've never met actual African Americans and Latinos per se, so it was fascinating to get to speak to them.

(6) Going to movie premieres. And getting crushed by the crowds. I'm proud to say that in my stay in L.A, I have seen in person with my very own eyes, Nicholas Cage, Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Phillip Phillips and Matthew Gray Gubler (he was standing right in front of me but I couldn't get an autograph because he was hustled away by his burly huge bodyguards. And holy smokes, he does sound exactly like Reid, but his hair was long!) There were other celebs too, but I couldn't see them because they were standing at the main road. But apparently, Taylor Swift was at the Spiderman premiere too and I missed her because I across the street. I didn't get to meet Kim Kardashian =( or Alex O'Loughlin. Darn. Steffi saw P. Diddy and Gonzalo met Paris Hilton and even took a picture with her!

(7) And of course. The American accent. DUH


Next stop. Broadway Dance Center to take Luam's class! That is, if I do ever go to New York. When Sul was in New York in the summer, he said it was a busy and crowded place. What if I go to New York in the future, but end up loving L.A more?!

OMG YOU SLUT LISTEN TO YOURSELF. HOW CAN ANYONE NOT LIKE NEW YORK CITY? Its the concrete jungles where dreams are made of!

 
Loving this. 

Biopsyche quiz is over. Thank God because I cannot emphasize how much I desperately need to catch up on my sleep. There are balls under my eyes, thank you very much because apparently my body cannot get enough sleep from 1am to 8am in the morning, even though that's roughly 7 hours of sleep.

I shouldn't complain, because this is nothing compared to when I had jet lag when I went to L.A and came back home. I felt so sick and terrible and really just wanted to die. But I'd willingly ensure it if it means I get to travel to beautiful gorgeous countries around the world with my bad-ass camera.

So yes. Biopsyche quiz. I don't even know what to say about it. I got some stuff down pat, and some others that made me want to laugh/cry/poop with amusement. But its over and I honestly can't do anything about it now. Its funny that I'm even saying that. How I can't do anything about things that are already past, because previously I'd whine and moan and scream over how I could have done it differently and/or better. But then I started thinking about what E always told the class, about how we need to get it into our heads that we need to stop thinking that everything that will happen is in the control of our hands because the truth is, it isn't, since we don't predict the future and instead, we should  let our mind and body guide us throughout the journey and pick up lessons along the way.

So yes. The quiz is over. I honestly did the best I could. Its moot to argue about it now. And now I've another mid-term next Friday and I really really really need to start by personality assignment now and get it done before bed. But I'm just so unmotivated to do it because hello, I just ended a mid-term and I should be given a day off right?

I guess not.

I'm starting to appreciate my Singapore Society module, even though I'm questioning my professor's ability to really teach a class. Its opened my eyes to how different Singapore is from other countries, in terms of social living, education and policies and how these differences are the driving forces behind the unhappiness in so much out our lives. I'm glad I dropped the history module because what use is studying artifacts of to me?

Should probably start on my personality assignment now. Should.

I sent my postcard exactly 8 days ago. I wonder if he's gotten it?

OMG SHUT UP SERENE YOU STUPID STUPID BUMBLING BABOON. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FEMINIST VALUES?! YOU SEE A GUY WHO SWEPT YOU OFF YOUR FEET BECAUSE HE HAS SUCH A GREAT PERSONALITY AND YOU TOSS YOUR FEMINIST VALUES OF FEMALE INDEPENDENCE AND EMANCIPATION OUT THE WINDOW. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.