Something's wrong with me.

I've been binging since the end of last week. I think I'm having PMS.

Screw it. There goes my diet =/ I wonder what my therapist is going to say about me breaking my diet. Crap, now I feel super super SUPER guilty.

Went to see said therapist today after school for my back problems and do you know what she has done to me? She put me on a diet.

Now I am not allowed to eat after 7pm, and need to keep track of what I eat and show it to her.

My life must be in pieces man. Where the bloody hell did I pick up my eating habits from anyway?

Answer: My mother.

I was watching a documentary on Discovery Channel after dinner today, featuring the lifestyle of Americans and have decided to abandon my desires to move to said United States, after an aforementioned footnote of the morbidly alarming gross statistics of the obese Americans.

I have developed a theory and shall engage in belief preservation, that if I ever pack up and move to America, I will learn and be indoctrinated into the American lifestyle and culture, and I will find myself having to be acculturated to the eating habits of the European Americans there.

It's a simple vicious cycle. Here is Serene Juan's 10-Step-Programme to American-Lifestyle-Acculturation:

Step 1: Move to the United States of America.

Step 2: Become acclimatized to the new lifestyle.

Step 3: Become obese.

Step 4: Discover that I cannot fit through a standard door frame.

Step 5: Discover that I cannot wear a bikini, much less a normal swimming
costume without busting its straps.

Step 6: Discover that I cannot see my toes anymore.

Step 7: Discover that I am waddling down the streets in a slow & disorderly
fashion

Step 8: Discover that I cannot buy cute sexy clothes.

Step 9: Discover that a man would rather crucify himself that marry a grossly
obese woman with a lack of self-confidence.

Step 10: Plunge a knife into my thick waist, hoping that the blade carries the
ability to penetrate the substantial layer of fat.


I entered a temporary state of melancholy, but decided that the world does not end there. Because I reasoned that even if I cannot move to the United States, Miss Juan here can dash into the welcoming and open arms of French doors. I had no clue as to why I never thought of it, but apparently, France has a much lower obesity rate as compared to America.

Honestly speaking, have you ever seen a fat Frenchman in France frolicking in the fiesty fields?

Success is getting what you want. Happiness is liking what you get.

— H. Jackson Brown

I got into TPDE! Huzzah!

For those oblivious to the obvious - Shu Yun maybe? - I have changed my blogskin and I seriously like the color scheme of it.

Had a quarrel without my mum this morning. It started with her thinking that I might not have eaten breakfast, progressed with voices that seemed to raise minute by minute and ending with me shutting my room door and her marching herself out the main door, heading to her Pilates class.

So I went to school feeling a little pissed and dreary, but then I arrived at the Main Gate and felt better. But started feeling slightly irritated at several circumstances. Like, at lunch, maybe? And during the little transistions from classroom to classroom.

I'm sorry, but I seriously CANNOT get used to the new...presence and distraction. Lynette and Jesslyn will know about this, but then again.

OH and I found out who my Secret Angel is: ALEXANDER TEE. I got a Kinder Surprise from him, and this little note and an origami frog that leaps when you press the bottom (: THANKS ALEX. IT REALLY DID MAKE MY DAY.

HRM meeting preceded and I guess it went all right. Stayed back in the library till around 8.30ish for some research. I think staying back in the library and doing your own work is rather, satisfying for some reason. Less people = less disturbance.

Had Cross Cultural Quiz today, and there were some questions which I got incorrect, which sucked I guess because I knew the answer.

I'm beginning to realize that Cross Cultural and Developmental Psychology are similar in certain aspects? Like the whole nature vs nurture thing, whether culture is ingrained in a person, or is it environmentally influenced.

During Developemental Psych we listed down traits that are inherited or influenced and apparently, "diet" fell under nurture, which I diasgreed and felt that it's both nature AND nurture? Because I think that you inherit eating habits from your parents and as you grow older, you become more aware of how your habits many be bad, or good, in a way and try to tweak them?

Take me for example. I sadly inherited my mother's knack of binging and eating when not hungry, and yet when I came to realize it can make one put on the pounds, I attempted to modify my eating habits. Well with disastrous results along the way. But at certain points, it was bebeficial, since it made me more aware of foods that were killing me and foods that were making me live longer and live a more healthy life.

School projects starting to erm, pile up now, and denial is no longer a plausible excuse to shun myself from the dreaded workload. It also means I have to start getting priorities straight and know when to say no to outings with friends and stuff. Plus, I'm not taking up my Advanced Spanish, as much as I would love to, it takes up my like half my Saturday - which can be better spent to study and/or complete projects and assignments.

Decided to embark on a search for a new blogskin. This one's getting a bit stale for me and I like change. But there so like so many to select from and its seriously driving me nuts. What design suits someone like me anyway?

...

I erm, shall contemplate it later. Am compiling FILA charts from my group members.

Let me tell you a senseless story today.

I had Hip Hop auditions today at 9.30am and I screwed it up.

I wore track pants, because my broad shorts were in the wash so it looked as though I was going to the freaking gym instead of a dance audition, so when I free-styled, I looked like a fucking headless chicken.

Second, I got the routine right. First try, a little scrambled, second try, better and I thought I'd be okay since I was pretty confident and sat at the back after that and put my mind at rest.

Suddenly, the choreographer asked some of us, me included, to get up and try again, for I suspect that our choreo sucked, but our free style was better, so she wanted to see if our choreography was better.

The music played, and the most stupid thing was that I did not know when to start, because I forgot the beat. So I messed everything up, because I was one fucking step too slow, and made a fucking idiot of myself.

I will NOT binge.

#1 - Dance audition tomorrow at 9.30am. Hopefully all goes well and I don't freak
out and stuff.

#2 - Watched Journey of Cleopatra at the Victoria Concert Hall yesterday with my
sis. Belly dancing is such an awesome art form. Sadly, our local dancer aren't
that fantastic. The highlights of the show are the Greek dancers, Melina and
Rhea who were superb. Melina has an amazing body. Toned and so defined, her
muscles are. I bet any woman would kill to have a ripped body like her. I know
I would.

#3 - HRM team: Me, Jesslyn, Ting Hui, Sam and David. Never exactly worked with Ting
Hui, Sam and David, but I like a challenge and don't mind experiencing how it's
like working with other people. It's not like I can choose who I'll work with
in the future. Funny though, since Shu and I said that we'd be in the same
group during our 1st lecture. But. Whatever

#4 - Cross Cultural team: Janell, Shu and Huda. Should be interesting too.

#5 - Social Psych team: Nette and Jess.

#6 - Watched Bad Boys II and have decided that Latino SWAT officers are super hot
and super sexy ( 1:36 and 2:56) - first guy at that point- and that military flicks rock
my socks. Totally.

#7 - Therapist tells me that I have to lose 2kg, which erm sucks? Because I love
food and asking me to RESTRICT certain foods is like. A death sentence. Okay.
Just 2kg. Only 2kg. I can do this. Shall not go into details as to why. Told
only Nette and Jess. Least they're understanding. My only problem is that I
binge in the evening. Crap ass.

#8 - Tomorrow, Hip Hop auditions at 9.30am. Thank god I signed up with You Jing. We
can do this.