I really should start studying now. I'm amazed at how much time literally flies when you're on tumblr.

ALDO: Get Lucky!

Matthew Gray Gubler for ALDO!

Have developed nasty blisters on my feet from the entire 2 hours of trekking that we did at yesterday's training session.

It seems that despite my constant re-application of sunblock, I have turned darker from the exposure to the sun, or maybe quite possibly, God's wrath.

Am currently reassessing my motivations in sustaining a blog.

It's slightly surprising to learn that I've been enrolled in NTU for a little more than a month now. The many changes and challenges that I feared would be met with resistance from the control freak in me has seemed to slowly come to terms with them.

For instance, my initial insistence on not staying in Hall because I feared the type of roommate I would end up with. I had even Googled "college roommate worst case scenarios". Let's just say the anecdotes of roommates with their horror stories did not do me any favors in appeasing my very frantic disposition then.

So far, XY has been very accommodating. She's quiet and keeps to herself and doesn't disturb me much, which is generally what I had sought for in a roommate before coming to NTU with dread about which student would end up with me as a roommate for the next 9 months.

Hall 14's nestled on the tops of the hill, and heavily surrounded by forestry. The only view from my window is a very uninspiring drain. Though I realized that not many people actually walk past my corridors, screaming and shouting. Its a peaceful environment, which is also what I had desperately sought for.

So as you can see, so far, my expectations have been somewhat fulfilled.

The students in classes are surprisingly opinionated. Its a terrific cry from what we experience in polytechnic, where students were not forcefully encouraged to express their ideas and opinions. After all, participation rate was just a peanut ball of 5%. In my Socio class, participation counts for 25% of your total grade! My tutor commented that I have insightful ideas but I need to speak up more. Its frightening to hear how my other classmates hold onto such strong ideas about world issues; how dominant they are when it comes to expressing their thoughts to the rest of the class without awkward breaks in their articulation. Me. I know I'm as capable as they are, but whenever I speak up, the words don't come out right. I stumble, then I fall and my words don't pack the same punch as I wanted them to. It fully makes me consider wanting to sign up for some speech therapy/effective communications class just to it can help me with my articulation and pronunciation.

Spent 5 hours after lecture with Mich as we tolled in our song analysis assignment. It makes me wish how I had gone to a junior college, just so I could take General Paper and/or Literature and learn the art and literary skills of Critical Analysis. Only arrived home about 2 hours ago.

Trekking training tomorrow. Didn't realize it'd stretch until late morning. Guess my grand plans to go to Allegra's class can be kissed goodbye.

Luam teaches J-Doe & Busta Rhymes

Luam. You are born from a boom box.

I totally, cannot get over this. Luam is sick with a capital S. Just like Kyle Hanagami. Have I told you how much I want to attend their class? I'd trade my dog for it.

Okay. Maybe not my dog. Maybe...my new MacBook. YEAH.

Wouldn't it be so awesome if I could just spend one free year learning dance? Just drop everything and follow my heart?

But according to Max Weber, such a move would be classified as a non-rational behavior because its not practical to achieve a non-practical end.

Oh God I'm becoming a freak now.

Oh Lord, I miss dance so very much right now.

It seems that I've had to make so many decisions that defy the very desires of my heart. Rationalization and logical thinking is the key to innate unhappiness. That's the repercussion of being one who's more logical and rational and who makes decisions based on what her mind tells her rather than let her heart pave the way.

Like I said before, I don't see how intelligent people can be truly happy.

A student from the NTU Red Cross Society came knocking on our door and demanded for us to make a donation. Oh all right, she kindly asked if we were willing to make a donation that would be contributed towards funding for helping rebuild schools and homes for children in Vietnam.

Don't get me wrong. I think its a great idea, helping the unprivileged in our society and giving them a better life so they won't resort to child labor to fuel capitalism. But I had spare cash on hand, and enquired what the minimum donation, to which she replied "We encourage $10"

$10? Wasn't charity about donating the desired amount that YOU wish to give, and not to match that of others? When I politely said no, she gave me this, well stunned look, like she couldn't believe that her parents were right, that there cold-hearted bitches actually DO exist in the world and that her pre-frontal cortex is struggling to process this startlingly profound discovery.

When she sputtered her leave of thanks, I closed the door and muttered "bitch", much to the amusement of my roommate. She's been making calls all night to get people to be team leaders for this international convention happening next week. I helped!

Well, by helping her pronounce several names that seemed totally alien to her.

I tried googling my French teacher's name but came back with references to prostitutes violating laws in Germany. Bummer.

I serioualy do not know what's going on with my life.

What am I doing studying the same shit I've done 3 years ago?

I want to go climb Mount Everest. I do. But. My parents are now having second thoughts. What's going to happen to the extreme winter wear and trekking boots once I'm done with it? Am I sure that I'll be sufficiently trained? Will it clash with studies?

The last one totally did it. I wanted to scream when my mum mentioned it. I wanted to yell "Can you let me live a little?! Am I a machine or what?!"

I don't know what I'm doing with my life. Truly. I know I've said this a dozen times, but seeing as how I've up what I love/want to do in the same of fucking academics, I'm starting to question myself.

I need some answers.

I really feel like talking to someone. Not a friend. But, like a professional counsellor. Because I nee clarity in my life, and I need someone who is unbiased.