After each dream, Frankie woke with a start, soaked in tears. But she found no relief in the peaceful silence of her room, because there everything was real. And the guilt was too immense to bear. Each time she opened her eyes, she'd quickly shut them. And wish that she had woken up for the very last time.” \

― Lisi Harrison, Monster High

I cannot breatheeeee. EEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKS. 

Plus, look at the sheer amount of musical talent in the room?

Oh my sweet Lord I'm just melting from how smooth and gorgeous and utterly sexy Darren's (Blaine) voice is in this cover of Bing Crosby's White Christmas. Mr Crosby, I still love your rendition of this song in the musical White Christmas, but Darren's voice just gives me chills. 

I made the mistake of clicking the link for Swifty's version of the song. I shrieked in utter horror and ran out the room upon hearing the guitar accompaniment. I'm sorry but no way in hell will I ever appreciate a countrified Christmas song. Its like doing the doe-si-doe and eating fried chicken in a country bar on Christmas instead catching snowflakes with your tongue and ice skating and caroling. 

Is it legit for me to say that Darren Criss is musically gifted than Swifty? Okay fine I know we should acknowledge individual differences and all, but still. 

I want a boyfriend who will do a Christmas duet with me. Or just an awesome guy friend who plays the guitar and sings and will willingly me pleasure me via Christmas duets. 

If Blaine weren't gay, didn't wear weird tight pants and annoying bow ties, ditched the hair gel and stopped shaving, I'd chain him in my house forever. 

I was just looking through my photos that I look from L.A when I came across this one that I took while at Westwood Village Memorial Park. I found Natalie Wood, who allegedly died from drowning after falling from her yacht into the ocean, I found Janet Leigh who played Meg in Little Women and died of myocardial infarction, I found Farah Fawcett who died of cancer, I found Marilyn Monroe who allegedly committed suicide and I also found Dean Martin, who died respiratory failure due to lung cancer. 

I remember how I had spent a neck-breaking 20 minutes walking around the entire cemetery, bending my neck to look at the ground just to look for these two specific stones.

In case you don't know, Jennifer Maria Syme was the ex-girlfriend of Keanu Reeves, who in 1999 gave birth to their stillborn daughter Ava Archer Reeves. Jennifer and Keanu went their separate ways after the death of Ava. On her way home from a house party thrown by Marilyn Manson and under the influence of prescription drugs and alcohol, Jennifer drove into a row of parked cars on Cahuenga Boulevard and died instantaneously.

Both are happened to be cremated next to each other at the request of Keanu. I remember clearly how I immediately broke down and cried for what must have been 5 minutes when I found them. I have no idea of it was the sad history behind the existence of these two cemetery plots, or because of the somber, quiet and reflective atmosphere of the cemetery that made me start to cry for the loss of these 2 people and made me start to question the reason for our existence.

We're here for too short a time. If we are placed on Earth for a purpose, what was the purpose of Ava then? Why did God allow for the mistreatment of women in the Middle East? Why did God allow for child slavery, poverty and extravagant capitalism? How did society become so consumed by the pursuit of materialism, that we're willing to pay $6 for a cup of coffee at Starbucks that takes only 6 cents to make in Laos? Why do we continue to feed the bourgeois pursuit of profits that only serve to further suppress the livelihood of the common workers? 

There are so many things in life I want to understand, but I don't. I want to, and I wish I could, and this makes me wonder whether I'll be able to understand them all by the time I've reached the end of my life.

Just wondering.

In between freaking out about the Leadership essay question that I have absolutely no idea how to complete (how is knowing what the different practices for leadership development in Asian organizations beneficial to my future?), my hormone-induced mood swings and puffy face that make me look like a distorted cartoon character, and trying to figure how the hell I am going to find another 90 participants for this experiment (I am never doing another empirical research ever again. It is too much work I swear), watching Sex and the City and stuffing hazelnut cookies in my peanut butter jar is bringing me much needed comfort and satisfaction. 

SY: Thank you for spending time with me and letting me on good French food on my birthday!

SJ: I had quesadillas. It's Mexican. You had linguine. That's Italian. 

I'm caught in the midst of freaking about the length of my to-do list, upcoming assignments - some of which are absolutely pointless and no use to my education whatsoever(which is your favorite, and least favorite dance couple, and why?)- that make me weep with angry tears, my desire to want to read the Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit & the increasing arguments I'm having with the mother about, well, the usual things that make me want to cut someone's throat.

I've got to get up at 8am in the morning later, but I just want to mention that I managed to catch The Hobbit last Saturday night. I  sacrifice a night of good sleep - I slept at 4am, holy bejesus - because Darren begrudged me for not watching it despite my love for The Lord of the Rings. 

 I must admit the entire movie is spectacular in terms of how grand the fantasy is, something that only Jackson, and maybe James Cameron can pull off. It helps that it was filmed against stunning landscapes, but  I was terribly distraught with these few aspects.

1. The visual effects were frankly speaking, poor and quite unrealistic to the point that it looks almost animated. The Dwarves were fine, and so were the Hobbits and the Shire. But let's take a closer look at the film's antagonist, Azog, the Defiler, otherwise known as the Pale Orc, who looks so very familiar. I can't put my mind to it, like he's appeared in another before...

The Engineer in Prometheus

Azog, the Defiler. 

Oh wait, there it is. Azog looks to be the Orc-brother of the Engineer in  in Prometheus. And all through the movie I just kept looking at this orc and couldn't think of anything else but how it resembles the Engineer. Plus, the orcs in The Hobbit look nothing like the Orcs in LOTR. These Orcs look animated and have less of the realism of an Orc in LOTR. You'd think Jackson would make them the same

Trolls with working-class British accents. Oh yes its so charming. Trolls grunt. Not talk like they're a bartender in southwest London. Monstrous creatures dreaded and feared for all in the trilogy are now seen as witty and comical  morons arguing over cooking dinner over the fire. This horrendous mismatch begs the question of "how can one fear something who can't even use a spoon?" The scene was just too incredibly draggy and was frankly very pointless. I could see how the scene was meant to have Bilbo emerge as the intelligent and unlikely hero for being quick-witted and intelligent to save the Dwarves, but the fact is, Jackson could have done that with a shorter scene  and use the time for more chapters. 

The Goblin King with working-class British accents. Oh yes so charming as well. Spiteful creatures that screech and  breed faster than rabbits feared in the trilogy are now talking, dumpy fat things ruled by an equally bone-headed Goblin King who can't even fight to save his own life. Combined with uch campy dialogue that borders on being lame and cliched and quietly frankly, reflects a poor attempt at making the audience laugh. 

There seemed to be no pressing urgency throughout this movie and I suspect that if Jackson had deleted some scenes, like the trolls scene for one and the goblin scene, he would have incorporated more chapters of the book in the movie. In LOTR, you could sense the urgency in each movie: we need to get to Rivendell, we need to get out of Moria now, we need to fight at Helm's Deep to stop the orcs, we need to draw Sauron's Eye away from Mordor. But here, it feel Jackson put too much butter over too little bread. 

The trolls, the goblins and the horses the Elves rode on. Their animation lacked in quality and realism as opposed to that in LOTR. Just compare the troll in LOTR and the troll in the Hobbit. And do the same for the goblins and every horse in both movies. The horses in the Hobbit look nothing like a real horse! I understand that its a fantasy movie, but if the ponies the Dwarves rode on look like real flesh and blood, what about these damn horses and orcs? The ones in the Hobbit look like they're drawn for an animation movie, or something that belongs on a video game and I just felt like I was watching a cartoon instead. 

I'm quite upset that despite the grand entrance of the Dwarves in Biblo's house, the writers discredited their role in the later half of the journey instead of bringing out each of their characters. All I see are Dwarves running, Dwarves sleeping, Dwarves eating, Dwarves fighting, Dwarves arguing and Dwarves burping and snoring. Perhaps the characterization was done so in the book, and if it was, then Jackson wouldn't have done the book justice.  I'll give Jackson the benefit of the doubt and perhaps this will be done so in The Desolation of Smaug, but regardless, leaving the characterization to second movie instead of the first movie seems a bit of an iffy thing to do. 

And finally, the absolute greatest disappointment was that Jackson had taken some scores from LOTR for light use in the Hobbit, making the Hobbit seem almost too familiar for comfort when all I wanted was something new and exciting. For instance, He used "Concerning Hobbits" from the Fellowship of the Ring for the scenes in the Shire which I was all right with. He used " The Hornburg" from The Two Towers for the scene where the Elves hunt the Gundabad Wargs. He used the score for Aragorn's coronation scene (The Return of the King) in the scene where Thorin embraces Bilbo and admits he was wrong to doubt Bilbo, and I half expected Aragorn to emerge with his crown and sceptre clad in his kingly robes.  

As you might imagine, I went to bed with disappointment, and I can't say I'd watch the Hobbit again, though I do hope Jackson will change my opinion of the Hobbit with the second installment.