i look gross.

i want to sleep and not wake up.

Its funny how I say I suck at dance.

Because whenever I'm in my room. I go crazy.

My movements are definetly much bigger.

And I feel different.

Because no one is watching me.

My expression is different. My feel is different.

I feel lighter when I dance at home.

Maybe its because of the clothes I'm wearing to dance. And the whole shoes thing.

Because.

I dance without shoes at home so I feel lighter and move more freely and comfortably.

It's not that I suck. It's not that I'm not thinking out the box.

It's that in my current situation, I can't. Because of the clothes or the shoes.

What am I going to do. Shit. I need to think of a solution. Or maybe I should do a Psych student and draft a FILA chart for this problem.

Hip Hop training with Gin resumed today.
She taught us this really dope choreo to this really ghetto song.
But I totally bombed her choreo.
I really was THAT bad.
It's like.
I sucked so badly.
It seemed that everyone else could get the choreo,
and they looked so freakin' cool doing it.
And I looked like a fucking clown doing it.
Gin said we were good.
Obviously I was somewhere within her blind spot.

I felt so disappointed after trg.
I just blanked out.
Mel brought homemade chocolate covered almonds.
The serotonin rush cheered me up.
I stayed at the squash court and watched the guys learn the iCool choreo.
It was pretty much bimbotic.
But funny and cool to watch.

Extra reggae practice at 1.30pm.
I realized after that I'm just an avergae dancer. Neither good nor bad. Just so-so.
I don't stand out or anything.

Am in a current state if depression now.
Watched the ending of the first half of The Two Towers on Channel 5 just now.
Aragorn just fell off the cliff.
Dang.
Of all scenes to end with, it ended with my husband falling to his supposed death.

I wish I had started dancing like years ago.

read between the lines. we're all good at that.

some thoughts are better left unspoken.

zomg. they're still arguing about the whole boyfriend thing. if you ask me, i think my mum's right about the current situation. my sister is seriously dumb. well, now i know i can't be having a boyfriend until i turn 21. my mum will probably be all over it and besides, i'll probably be caught up with school work and all. my dad probably won't give a rat's ass about what's going on in my life, since he missed out almost 8 years of it when I was growing up.

i want to crawl into bed, shut up eyes and drift off to deep and dreamless sleep. sometimes dreams can be disturbing and leaves you wondering about the next day. frued says dreams represent the conscious bit of our lives that have unwittingly crept into the unconscious.

i want to crawl into bed, shut up eyes and drift off to deep and dreamless sleep. but my hair is still wet, and i'm opposed to the usage of hairdryers. maybe i'll provide a leeay just this once. i'm seriously tired. i need my bolster.

or maybe i just want that someone i've been thinking about for a while now.

Resumed Modern trg today. Modern classes are no from 6 to 8pm instead of 5pm to 6.30pm. Apparently Ryan wants to combine all three classes after our dismal performance of his choreo to Thinking of You, by Katy Perry.

So today the juniors and seniors were all in the studio. Ryan went through some of our techniques and then for some reason, he wanted us to do a choreography. He taught like a few eights. And it was fast. At least for me, it was pretty fast. I mean I could catch the steps and all, but they ere all messy and weird. When he made us split into groups, according to the color our of shirts, I was so intimidated because it seemed that the others could do the steps right. I felt so... crap.

And so Ryan was disappointed again and lectured us on our commitment and our focus and all. I mean, I really did try, but it wasn't enough. And I'm still not used to catching choreography in like 2 minutes flat.

Won't say no more. I'm feeling sorry for myself right now.

Atmosphere at home is tense right now. Apparently Mum chanced upon my sister's diary entry about an episode with her new boyfriend, and Mum is not happy with it. I'm praying that neither of them will come into the study room - of which I'm in now - and leave me in peace so that the fury won't spill into my current safe haven.

I still cannot believe the sister has a boyfriend. Seeing the words 'sister' and 'boyfriend' in the same sentence doesn't sit right with me.

I can't decide who I adore more. The big one or the little one. Both are cute and gorgeous and simply take my breath away * gives exasperated sigh because she wants both *

Anyway, first day of school was kinda cool. Yours truly was hyped up about going back to school. After weeks of seeing the Mushroom deserted, it felt weird seeing it crammed with students. Met some of the HSS people there as well and it was fun seeing them again.

Assessment and Personality is being taught by this new lecturer. Dr Kelvin Lee reminds me of a sleepy bear that just got roused out of hibernation. A & P sounds pretty dry to me, based on the rough outline we were introduced to. Hopefully I can ace this subject. Jess, QianHui and I had a break from 11am to 1pm, since we weren't taking Child Psych, so we decided to crash lecture and chill at the top seats.

Was supposed to go for dance clean up actually at 2, but something came up at home and I had to go off. Besides, there were a lot of people who weren't from HH2 there, so I didn't know how they were going to practice.

Went for Health Psychology lecture today. Went around the IT/AS block in one circle today with Komathi, because she was convinced it wasn't at the ILZ. Apparently it was, though at the consultation room. Health Psych seems pretty much OKAY. Something along the lines of how illness and disease affects one's psychological well being and all.

After that I went to hunt for stupid yellow shirts from Giordano, of which the cutting is HUGE by the way. But I need a red tank top and yellow shirt for Reggae. Plus an orange tee for HH2. I still have no idea where to find an orange tee. I suggested yellow, but Zheng Yi commented that we would look like bumble bees. Bummer. Besides, we Reggae dancers will be using yellow as well.

Oh and I also decided to compensate my lack of shopping during the holidays and bought some stuff to wear. Like, a black tank and grey cardigan from Cotton On, and this blouse that's cut at the shoulders from Dorothy Perkins. And this awesome pair of hoop earrings that's very tribal-ish from DIVA.

Big earrings are the sex <3

I have decided to resume Modern dance classes tomorrow. I've been missing them for quite a while. I don't want Badd or Joycelyn to crucify me. I surprised myself just now by doing a piroutte without losing my balance or slipping. But after my shower, I tried again, but I lost it. Dang.