Zounds I cam across this song when I was surfing my mum's itunes on the desktop and decided to search for the music video of One in a Million, by Bosson. I remember this being my favourite song - among others - in primary school, with several of my classmates. It like it the It Song during those days.

Finished up Audrey's choreo today. I swear I suffered from a sever bout of brain fag because I could not process her choreo as well as I could as in other trainings. I mean I know the steps. But I don't know why I seem to get stuck. Like I said, brain fag.

Then had extra HH2 and Reggae practice from 12ish to around 4.

I was practicing Audrey's choreo repeatedly just now while watching Sweet Home Alabama. Managed to get the steps. Will try again before I go to bed. Hopefully I don't forget my steps for tomorrow's vetting. Our grand seniors will be coming to see how we are so far and I really hope it all goes well. I wanna get this right.

My dad just came into the room as I was blogging and all of a sudden he sprouts “Serene, let me ask you this question. I want to know what you 17 and 18 and 19 year olds think. What do you think, about Goh Chok Tong becoming the next President of Singapore?”

I was like 0_0. I’m sorry. What?

So I said I don’t know, because I mean I didn’t even KNOW about this. And my dad gave this really huge sigh and started lecturing me about not knowing about Singapore’s past and how I don’t know about some Tharnum guy and how I should get more involved in Singapore’s politics.

The truth is, I tried reading about Singapore and her politics. But it got so boring. I mean honestly, do I look like the person even remotely interested in what happened to our country 1000 years ago? Sure my dad’s in the generativity stage of Erikson’s theory, but who knew it came up unhealthy side effects for the younger generation he is trying to influence?

So my dad went on and on about this and I just stared at the screen like a mute and hoping the floor would open up and swallow him, or that my mum would come and bail me out from my dad’s lectures like she always does. Whenever he has suck talks with my siblings and I, she comes to our rescue, because he doesn’t speak English at all. Oh yeah tax rebates are so the highlight of my life. Pardon my language, but right now, I honestly don’t give a flying fuck about politics. I have much bigger problems to think about.

Oh god. HH2 training tomorrow at 8.30am, to 12.30pm. Reggae from 1 to 2.30pm. Hip Hop finale from 3pm to 5pm. Vetting from 5pm onwards. Reggae again at O School at 8pm. Am wondering if I should just go home after vetting. I mean I'm really shagged out.

My mind is made up.

I need to sleep.

Had Hip Hop 2 trg today at 9am. Managed to clean up Farhan's choreo and after lunch, we cleaned up Lavone's choreo and I think we improved. Room for more of cours - as a group - such as synchronization, strength and sharpness etc. But I think individually, we each improved in certain areas that we were lacking. Like being more familiar with how some steps should be.

From the cleaning up session, I realized that I always break my hold of my wrists. I was wondering why I kept doing that, until I had belly dance in the evening. Whilst executing the new choreo that my teacher had taught, there are times when we have to twist out wrists around so the hold breaks whenever I dance HH.

GAH. I need to stop incorporating belly dance into Reggae. Shauna says I'm too soft, because I keep incorporating belly dance techniques into Reggae. Belly dance is more soft and feminine. Reggae is soft at times, but because Shauna and Audrey's choreo requires sharp and deft movements, I tend to...yeah you know what I mean. I think I can still improve on Reggae. There's this one bit in Shauna's choreo that's pretty quick and that we have to turn on the spot and quickly do the next move. The problem is, whenever I turn on the left ankle, it hurts, because there's a bone jutting out, so when I put pressure on it - like when I have to turn on the spot - it simply hurts and I end up losing my balance. Sometimes, I get the timings all wrong and I feel so fed up I feel like banging my head against the wall.

Practice Practice Practice! First vetting's on Thursday! I heard it's in the evening, which I really hope isn't, because I have Reggae at 8pm =/ OH OH OH and today during belly dance, Susanah - my teacher - asked us to take part in this performance at a community centre at Ang Mo Kio! It's going to be on the 22nd of November and we have to start practicing soon. IThis means I really really REALLY need to go and get myself a new proper hip scarf. I've been assigned to a drum choreography. It's one that we did before, except that because I had TNS, I missed out 3 lessons and thus, most of the choreo. Hopefully next week, Bao Yan can teach me the steps again and refresh my memory. I got the gist of it, but scaffolding should help me get better (: At least, I hope it does. The piece is pretty tiring.

Oh gosh dance again tomorrow. 9am. I hate it when it's in the morning. I'd rather have it at 10am. 9am is just too early, because of the whole morning rush traffic and having to wake up at 7am =/

I shall go watch The Nanny while I wait for my hair to dry. I REFUSE to use the hairdryer. If I do, I have to flick my hair around and my hair ends up bushy and wild, as though it's out of control. People have asked, but again I REFUSE to straighten my hair. Not that I detest straight hair. It looks nice on certain people, but not me.

I straightened it a few times in the past before, and I hated how I looked. So not me. I like having my wavy black hair tyvm. It's one of the traits I inherited from my Indonesian grandmother. We both think good looking men look even gorgeous in good looking suits. We both think they're hot in uniform - think army / police uniform. We both like scruffy rugged men. This reminds me. I need to continue my research for my book - Porn for Serene.

peace out. i need deep sleep right now.

.

Wouldn't that be cool if it were true. It'll be like talking to a boy. Talking to them with the sole purpose off letting off steam and no, I don't need you to tell me what to do. I just need to get it out of my system tyvm.

This is just adorable.

I love this picture.

It features both two of my favourite entities in the universe.

A dog AND a toddler.

Doesn't this picture make you want to sprint out the house right now and get a lovely pet dog right this instant?

Have been having dance this past two weeks every single day of the week except Sunday. I think I can still work on a lot. I'm still not as good as I want myself to be. Like, my movements have to be sharper and I need to give in more controlled strength.

Every time we showcase at the end of the practice, our seniors end up disappointed and I feel extremely awful, because well they've been teaching us for so long and we're still not up to scratch yet.

Well maybe not belly dance, because it's pretty okay for me and I catch on quick. I love my belly dance and am so NOT going to give that up. I've been thinking of stopping Modern Dance when the 10 lessons are up, because its going to eat into my time when school starts and my parents are already giving me red lights for this.

Decisions. Decisions. Decisions.

Still. I hate disappointing my seniors. Seeing the looks on their faces makes me feel so repressed and awful with myself. I wish I had started dancing as soon as I could have walked. I wish I had been born in America so that I could have immersed myself in the hip hop culture from a young age.

Mum and I went to watch the F1 practice session on Friday at the Marina yesterday. It was my first time there and I was really excited, because it's F1. Like hello. Who hates F1?

When we got there, we could already hear the cars zooming by and stuff. Ours was the cheapest ticket which entitled us to walk around the place. We missed the first session so we had to wait til 9.30pm for the second one. Til then, we walked around the place. Mum bought her autographed Lewis Hamilton hat, 2 Ferrari mugs and 4 shirts, totalling at almost $400.

Even the food was expensive. I gagged at the price of a bottle of green tea, priced at $5. I can get that for $1.20 at the local coffee shop.

We got a spot somewhere near the grandstand at about 9pm. And while waiting, I couldn't help but notice that there was this European guy next to me. He was pretty tanned and good looking and the disturbing part was that he kept taking off his tee shirt and trying on the Jensen Button shirts we had gotten. Okay I take that back. It wasn't disturbing. It was nice. He had nice abs. Thank God for that because if he had been flabby, I would have wished the floor would open and swallow me whole.

Anyway, the race started at 9.30 sharp and my mum and I were screaming when the cars came out. We were pointing and jumping and laughing and anticipating. My mum's a big supporter of Lewis Hamilton, because he's from England, and so is she. I support Red Bull's Mark Webber, because he's gorgeous. He's scruffy and tall and good looking. But he stupidly crashed his car.

Other than that, it was excruciatingly noisy. The earplugs didn't work and I had to cover my ears. And the smell of the tyres burning was no strong and pungent. I'd still prefer watching the race on television, because I get to see what's happening all the time, other than watching the cars for a few seconds from one silly spot.

Still it was an awesome experience. I'm going to keep the tickets as a momento.

Vetting's on Thursday, by the grand seniors, and on Saturday by Gin. Oh God. I need a miracle.

Everything I want is everything you are

Just wanna lay you down.

Say I love you without a sound.

I think you know what I'm talking about.

This, my dear Miss Taylor Swift, is what real and authentic country music is. Listen to the real twang of that Southern accent. I love Jason Michael Carrol's voice. Deep, husky & sexy. And in my size <3

Dance practice was a huge washout and tumultuous disappointment.

First. Shauna added new steps to the Reggae routine and I think my brain is seriously cooked out because I don't know why I simply couldn't get the steps! I was so damn fucking frustrated. It's like I didn't feel like dancing today and was so out of sorts. Maybe it was because of the 2 day break and I lost the momentum to dance. I don't know.

Then after Reggae, Keshia, Amanda, Melissa and I went to find the rest of Hip Hop 2 item to clean up the first part of the choreography. It went pretty okay, except Farhanah commented that I have to add in more and more strength. I don't know how much more I should add, since I thought I was really giving in quite a lot.

Then after that at 3, we went back to the studio for official practice, where Lavone taught us her part of the choreography. And I swear to God, it was pretty difficult and fast for me. My steps were there, but not sharp and strong enough and it looked so out of place and so blah.

At the end of the practice, we showcased what we had learnt so far, and we danced like a lump. The seniors had nothing nice to day to us. Yes, we were that bad. Nicole, Farhanah and Lavone were extremely disappointed with us and I felt so angry at myself for not pushing myself even further, and not being able to get the steps right. I felt so horrible and dejected, just hearing the disappointment in their voices, because the 3 of them are simply great instructors and are patient with us, but this was what we gave them in return.

I'm really worried, actually. And frightened that I cannot get all the steps rights. There's still Nicole's part of the choreo to do and I'm so nervous that I can't even nail Lavone's piece. I AM that bad and horrid. I never ever want my friends to watch my dance I swear.

I don't know why, but when I practice the steps at home. I'm definetly so much better. Then I realized its because I'm dancing without shoes. I can move faster and swifter. The current shoes I'm wearing are a little big for me. They're my mum's and they're a size 10. My shoe size is like between 8 to 9. But I definetly dance better without my shoes on when I'm at home. I need to do something about this, I think.

Shit, I wish I could just go to bed and wake up in the morning and be able to execute all the steps right. I need a miracle now. Maybe I need to go to church and pray to God and ask Him to help me. I really want this man. I really love dancing. And. I know I need to learn to control my movements, but its taking really long, and the whole "dancing better without my shoes" is true, but silly.

I'm so confused, and upset, and worried, and frightened, and angry, and disappointed, and dejected, and feel like a loser right now.

I need a miracle. I need God to help me.
God. Please help me.
I really really need this, God.
You know how much I need, and want this.