HipHop Two
That's us, the ghetto dancers. My group members simply rock (:
Friday, October 9, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
I found Bad Boys II on youtube today and I was delirious its one of my favourite movies ever. It's an action film. Rather violent though, but I seriously love action films. Anyway, its about these 2 undercover cops, played by Will Smith and Martin Lawrence - who work with the TNT - Tactical Narcotics Department - with the Miami Dad Police Department. And they're off to catch this Latino drug boss who's about to pull this huge drug heist.
This movie is cool, because:
#1 Almost all the main characters are male and they're in uniform
#2 Some of them are Latino, and they're bloody sexy, except for the bad guy because he has long hair
#3 It gives me an adrenaline high
After watching the movie I decided that it might not be a bad idea to have a husband who is Latino and a cop. Not your regular policemen patrolling the streets at night and carrying batons. But those higher ranking ones who work with the FBI and help to bust drug heists and stuff. Kind of like SWAT. Come to think of it. Men in SWAT uniform are simply drop dead sexy.
Then again, I suppose if I could pick the perfect husband, he would have several qualities, for instance:
1. Will tell me I look beautiful even when I'm crying or pouting or having gained weight or simply not having a good day.
2. Willingly let me give me a facial and not complain just so he can see the smile on my face when
I see he looks fresh and squeaky glowing after that
3. Is a superb cook
4. Can play the guitar and sing.
5. Makes me laugh and gives unexpected surprises at the most unexpected moments.
6. Asks me how my day and willing to lend an ear to vent my frustrations when I need to
without complaining
7. Speaks Spanish so that he can teach me the language <3
Most of all, he has to be loving. And masculine with man hands so that I feel protected. Yeah I'd wanthim to be protective of me too. Sometimes whenever I see romantic movies, be it comedies or not, I wonder whether this whole mantra of "love at first sight" really is applicable and existential, even though I learnt in Developmental Psychology that it technically isn't possible. Sometimes I read in magazines that couples fall in love at first sight. Personally speaking, I do not believe in love at first sight. Joe says that when it comes to romance, I think with my head. Not my heart. He's right. But - even if I say so myself - when I have feelings for someone - and eye candies or whatever terms being used - but like serious crushes or whatever - I fall hard and retain the same feelings for a long time. I think that when I'm in love, I see the world through my own lenses. It's like I'm so wrapped up in my own dreams and fantasies, I forget about reality.
My first crush was in primary school and it lasted approximately a year. Second was in secondary 3. Lasted approximately 10 months. Third was in secondary 4 and lasted at an estimate of 1 and a half years. Unfortunately all three of them didn't have a smooth journey. My second crush hurt me so much, I lost all self esteem and self confidence for a while. Thankfully my friends, like Jia Li and Sue and Joe were there to support me and all. I think my experience with that made me more hesitant about this whole romance thing. Like how come the good guys fall for bitches and stuff and break your heart and wrench your guts and make you feel like you'll never find a nice and decent guy.
Dang, I wish that I could - for once - live my own fairytale. I mean, for as long as I can remember, I've seen friends through their relationships with their boy or girlfriends and I want it to be my turn.
I live my love life like the movie, Pretty Woman. Julia Roberts and I both want the fairytale. Hopefully I'll have the same surprisingly happy ending like her and marry my rich gorgeous billionarie one day - though I do not think that Richard Gere is good looking. His features are too soft. Not masculine enough. Thinkg Eric Bana in Troy, or Viggo Mortensen in Lord of the Rings. Come to think of it. It's been a long time since I watched LOTR. Hmmm.
This movie is cool, because:
#1 Almost all the main characters are male and they're in uniform
#2 Some of them are Latino, and they're bloody sexy, except for the bad guy because he has long hair
#3 It gives me an adrenaline high
After watching the movie I decided that it might not be a bad idea to have a husband who is Latino and a cop. Not your regular policemen patrolling the streets at night and carrying batons. But those higher ranking ones who work with the FBI and help to bust drug heists and stuff. Kind of like SWAT. Come to think of it. Men in SWAT uniform are simply drop dead sexy.
Then again, I suppose if I could pick the perfect husband, he would have several qualities, for instance:
1. Will tell me I look beautiful even when I'm crying or pouting or having gained weight or simply not having a good day.
2. Willingly let me give me a facial and not complain just so he can see the smile on my face when
I see he looks fresh and squeaky glowing after that
3. Is a superb cook
4. Can play the guitar and sing.
5. Makes me laugh and gives unexpected surprises at the most unexpected moments.
6. Asks me how my day and willing to lend an ear to vent my frustrations when I need to
without complaining
7. Speaks Spanish so that he can teach me the language <3
Most of all, he has to be loving. And masculine with man hands so that I feel protected. Yeah I'd wanthim to be protective of me too. Sometimes whenever I see romantic movies, be it comedies or not, I wonder whether this whole mantra of "love at first sight" really is applicable and existential, even though I learnt in Developmental Psychology that it technically isn't possible. Sometimes I read in magazines that couples fall in love at first sight. Personally speaking, I do not believe in love at first sight. Joe says that when it comes to romance, I think with my head. Not my heart. He's right. But - even if I say so myself - when I have feelings for someone - and eye candies or whatever terms being used - but like serious crushes or whatever - I fall hard and retain the same feelings for a long time. I think that when I'm in love, I see the world through my own lenses. It's like I'm so wrapped up in my own dreams and fantasies, I forget about reality.
My first crush was in primary school and it lasted approximately a year. Second was in secondary 3. Lasted approximately 10 months. Third was in secondary 4 and lasted at an estimate of 1 and a half years. Unfortunately all three of them didn't have a smooth journey. My second crush hurt me so much, I lost all self esteem and self confidence for a while. Thankfully my friends, like Jia Li and Sue and Joe were there to support me and all. I think my experience with that made me more hesitant about this whole romance thing. Like how come the good guys fall for bitches and stuff and break your heart and wrench your guts and make you feel like you'll never find a nice and decent guy.
Dang, I wish that I could - for once - live my own fairytale. I mean, for as long as I can remember, I've seen friends through their relationships with their boy or girlfriends and I want it to be my turn.
I live my love life like the movie, Pretty Woman. Julia Roberts and I both want the fairytale. Hopefully I'll have the same surprisingly happy ending like her and marry my rich gorgeous billionarie one day - though I do not think that Richard Gere is good looking. His features are too soft. Not masculine enough. Thinkg Eric Bana in Troy, or Viggo Mortensen in Lord of the Rings. Come to think of it. It's been a long time since I watched LOTR. Hmmm.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Kate and I were talking about what we want in potential boyfriends before belly dance class started today. It was fun thinking of the perfect boyfriend. I proposed a European guy, tall and scruffy - think slight stubble - with masculine forearms. I want him to be a smooth talker, because I like guys who speak well and confidently. Kate pointed out that usually guys with stubbles are older.
Well I like older guys. Not those who are old enough to be your dad or something, because that would be gross. Maybe like 4 years older or something. I would prefer to date an older guy actually, because I find them much more mature than guys my own age. No offence to younger guys, but its true most of the time.
I do know a couple of guys my own age who are pretty mature, but still. I want my own fairytale. But realistically speaking, I think the most important thing in a boyfriend would be that he has to be loving and loyal, kind and understanding.
Anyway, dance went all right today. We learnt the formation for Lavone's choreo. It was rather amusing, yet interesting, since it's my first time actually doing a formation. I swear, I need to get proper dance shoes. My current ones are like 1 or 2 sizes too large and I can't dance in them properly. Maybe I'll go hunt for a pair of Baby Phat shoes during the weekend. Plus proper dance pants as well. I'm getting rather sick and tired of wearing basketball shorts.
Then came extra Reggae practice, which also went rather well. Audrey cleaned up her choreo, and Shauna changed some of her steps which I'm more comfortable with I think, even though the previous ones were really cool. Was supposed to have extra HH practice at 3 with Nicole after Reggae but I had to go off. The mother's getting extremely upset that I'm off dancing every day.
Frustrations.
Frustrations.
Nicole taught new choreo. Damn. Hopefully I can quickly learn them tomorrow. I can't afford to lag behind.
On a completely random note, I want thicker hair. Like, it was much thicker in the past as compared to right now. But ever since my extremely drastic haircut on my last birthday and the whole EDNOS shit, it never quite grew back the same.
Remorse.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
2nd October 2009 officially marks my relapse of my quarter life crisis, and its only been 2 months. The first was during RMB tutorial, when Mr Tan was telling us about Assignment 1 and how he knows that people have asked the better ones to lend them their work and getting full marks. Whereas mathematically challenged people like me went to borrow SPSS books from the library to try and figure out which functions to use and slogging my butt out and ended up getting like 60%.
That was when poor Janell Kwok had to bear witness to my very unsightly breakdown. I wonder if I looked ugly, with tears running down my face and burying said face in Janell's tissues.
Anyway, yesterday was not a good day. First, we were all late. Well I actually arrived at 8.20, but I went to the washroom first. And I didnt report to Nicole first. So it was my mistake. Today Nicole lectured us about punctuality and I felt super guilty and was so remorseful about what I did, I couldn't even LOOK at Nicole and Fahan, let alone say anything, because my excuse was SO DAMN LAME. Like hello?
Then after that we each voiced our opinions about our showcase yesterday. In the middle of my part, I admitted I can't exactly do a proper body wave and I swear to God, the moment I said that, I felt so pathetic. Like, everyone can do it but I can't and I feel as though I'm the one pulling my group down.
After the whole lecture, Jui Hsin was an angel to demonstrate a proper body wave to Wei Jie and I. He commented that I wave too fast =/ Dang. Okay. I need to practice.
THEN, after that it was time for us to learn Nicole's choreo after HH2 training. She taught like the first eight or something. Which I could catch, though a little messy. THEN we all had to show to her how to do the first step. Which is like this jump and having to kick out your right leg at the same time.
So everyone could do it. But not me. Nicole and Fahan were standing in front of me. The rest were looking at me. My heart was racing. I couldn't do what Nicole wanted. I was so freakin' afraid that she might lash out at me or something. The atmosphere was major tense and I was extremely aware of my inability to execute that step. And then came my second quarter life crisis. I just burst into hot tears and couldn't stop sobbing for like 17 seconds.
Honestly, who knew I needed so much time just to get that step and try so hard til I cry? Seriously I felt so useless when I couldn't even get the FIRST step right. Like what the hell. I felt so ashamed. I can't possibly describe how I felt there and then, because its just so surreal. In my mind, I was like, "I'm the girl who can't do a proper body wave, and now I can't even perform the first - FIRST - step. What am I doing in such a great and hype club like TPDE? I'n not good enough to be in TPDE!"
Yeah so basically I was so broken up inside. And the worse was that I was having a fever and I felt even more sick. So Nicole showed me the way to practice her step at home. She broke it doqn simply and I paid attention carefully like a 5 year old who just failed an exam and wanting to make it up.
Nicole had to go for work so we stopped at around 2. And Amanda and Keshia and Melissa were telling me to chill and don't stress out. They were all so sweet. I took my towel and went up to the sports complex and just sat at the bench by myself for like 10 minutes or so. I had to be by myself for a while to calm myself down and just refocus and think things through.
Then came Reggae at 3pm. And it was like rubbing salt into infected wounds. Shauna and Audrey were so disappointed with our performance. Shauna's comment for me was that, if I could give in so much energy for HH2, why couldn't I for Reggae? She said I was too soft.
I felt that I really did quite a lot, for the whole hitting harder thing. I don't know. I'm so confused, seriously and just tired and frustrated. I felt like shit, because I'm letting my friends - Shauna and Nicole and Hakeem - down for my sucky performance. I felt so rotten.
And Audrey spoke in quivering voice that threatened tears which, in turn threatened the onset of a third quarter life crisis.
Audrey cleaned up her choreo during practice. She changed a few steps. Hopefully when we perform in front of Gin tomorrow - VETTING - it'll be okay. We only did the full-out with the edited steps like 3 times. So I'm not sure if it was sufficient.
Keshia ( from my HH2 item, who's fantastic at dance ) sent me a cheer up / devotional email, encouraging me and telling me about God and all. I was moved because it was an extremely thoughtful gesture. She's such a doll. Plus, the rest of my HH2 peeps are all awesome, helping me with some steps. if I did it wrongly and always encouraging each other and doing kooky stuff. I love them seriously.
I need to cheer myself up:
That was when poor Janell Kwok had to bear witness to my very unsightly breakdown. I wonder if I looked ugly, with tears running down my face and burying said face in Janell's tissues.
Anyway, yesterday was not a good day. First, we were all late. Well I actually arrived at 8.20, but I went to the washroom first. And I didnt report to Nicole first. So it was my mistake. Today Nicole lectured us about punctuality and I felt super guilty and was so remorseful about what I did, I couldn't even LOOK at Nicole and Fahan, let alone say anything, because my excuse was SO DAMN LAME. Like hello?
Then after that we each voiced our opinions about our showcase yesterday. In the middle of my part, I admitted I can't exactly do a proper body wave and I swear to God, the moment I said that, I felt so pathetic. Like, everyone can do it but I can't and I feel as though I'm the one pulling my group down.
After the whole lecture, Jui Hsin was an angel to demonstrate a proper body wave to Wei Jie and I. He commented that I wave too fast =/ Dang. Okay. I need to practice.
THEN, after that it was time for us to learn Nicole's choreo after HH2 training. She taught like the first eight or something. Which I could catch, though a little messy. THEN we all had to show to her how to do the first step. Which is like this jump and having to kick out your right leg at the same time.
So everyone could do it. But not me. Nicole and Fahan were standing in front of me. The rest were looking at me. My heart was racing. I couldn't do what Nicole wanted. I was so freakin' afraid that she might lash out at me or something. The atmosphere was major tense and I was extremely aware of my inability to execute that step. And then came my second quarter life crisis. I just burst into hot tears and couldn't stop sobbing for like 17 seconds.
Honestly, who knew I needed so much time just to get that step and try so hard til I cry? Seriously I felt so useless when I couldn't even get the FIRST step right. Like what the hell. I felt so ashamed. I can't possibly describe how I felt there and then, because its just so surreal. In my mind, I was like, "I'm the girl who can't do a proper body wave, and now I can't even perform the first - FIRST - step. What am I doing in such a great and hype club like TPDE? I'n not good enough to be in TPDE!"
Yeah so basically I was so broken up inside. And the worse was that I was having a fever and I felt even more sick. So Nicole showed me the way to practice her step at home. She broke it doqn simply and I paid attention carefully like a 5 year old who just failed an exam and wanting to make it up.
Nicole had to go for work so we stopped at around 2. And Amanda and Keshia and Melissa were telling me to chill and don't stress out. They were all so sweet. I took my towel and went up to the sports complex and just sat at the bench by myself for like 10 minutes or so. I had to be by myself for a while to calm myself down and just refocus and think things through.
Then came Reggae at 3pm. And it was like rubbing salt into infected wounds. Shauna and Audrey were so disappointed with our performance. Shauna's comment for me was that, if I could give in so much energy for HH2, why couldn't I for Reggae? She said I was too soft.
I felt that I really did quite a lot, for the whole hitting harder thing. I don't know. I'm so confused, seriously and just tired and frustrated. I felt like shit, because I'm letting my friends - Shauna and Nicole and Hakeem - down for my sucky performance. I felt so rotten.
And Audrey spoke in quivering voice that threatened tears which, in turn threatened the onset of a third quarter life crisis.
Audrey cleaned up her choreo during practice. She changed a few steps. Hopefully when we perform in front of Gin tomorrow - VETTING - it'll be okay. We only did the full-out with the edited steps like 3 times. So I'm not sure if it was sufficient.
Keshia ( from my HH2 item, who's fantastic at dance ) sent me a cheer up / devotional email, encouraging me and telling me about God and all. I was moved because it was an extremely thoughtful gesture. She's such a doll. Plus, the rest of my HH2 peeps are all awesome, helping me with some steps. if I did it wrongly and always encouraging each other and doing kooky stuff. I love them seriously.
I need to cheer myself up:
And I agree with Kanye West. Besides, did you see Wesly Snipes in the movie, Chaos? Dang he was so smooth!
Vetting tomorrow, by Gin. Oh gosh. Okay okay think positive. Think like Keshia. God will bless me and guide me. I trust in Him.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Vetting today. Not a good experience. I was abysmal. I actually FORGOT some steps for the reggae routine during the second showcase when we did so without looking at the mirror. I forgot them steps.
I feel like such a letdown and a loser. I'm really so disappointed in myself. I feel so dejected and depressed and demoralized.
I just want stuff my face with chocolate and sleep and never wake up again. Today is such a horrid day for me, I can't even possibly describe how I feel.
I hate me. I don't care what people say about needing to love yourself or believing in the Lord or something. Right now, I just need my own time without thinking about anyone. I just want to drown my sorrows right now in chocolate and whatever.
Had a bad headache when I was on the bus home. Am having a fever now. I feel listless.
I hate my life.
I feel like such a letdown and a loser. I'm really so disappointed in myself. I feel so dejected and depressed and demoralized.
I just want stuff my face with chocolate and sleep and never wake up again. Today is such a horrid day for me, I can't even possibly describe how I feel.
I hate me. I don't care what people say about needing to love yourself or believing in the Lord or something. Right now, I just need my own time without thinking about anyone. I just want to drown my sorrows right now in chocolate and whatever.
Had a bad headache when I was on the bus home. Am having a fever now. I feel listless.
I hate my life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)